How Long is Forever?
by iluvcohen
Summary: Blair is devestated when Chuck abandons her. Old habits reemerge and she starts to lose control. Can anyone save her from herself? More importantly can Blair and Chuck survive together and alone. Chair C/B mostly. Maybe some side couples later.
1. Hurt

_There she was. That beautiful girl. Up onstage with no regards for the world or herself. Letting her hair down. Unzipping her dress, revealing her barely-there slip. Feeling nothing but those eyes. His darkened eyes burning into her flesh as she subtly paraded herself in front of him. So scantily clad, so sultry and sinful, so….free for the first time in her life. She only did it because of the challenge. A Waldorf never backs down from a challenge. And then those eyes. They pierced her. They challenged her to let go, to not hold anything back. They made her feel wanted. They made her alive._

_The backseat of a limo. Her hair tousled about, still dressed in that silky slip. She shuddered. His eyes gazed so intently into hers. That wanting radiating between the two of hands ever so gently grazed her thigh as she rubbed the apple of this cheek with her hand. She couldn't resist. She pressed her lips ever so gently into his. The spark was immediate. It ignited every feeling within her. Anger. Rage. Passion. Want . Need. Hurt. Regret. She pressed even harder into him and allowed him to pull himself onto her the slightest bit. "Are you sure?" he muttered. She knew then that she was. _

Blair Waldorf woke up in a panic. She was having those dreams again. The dreams that made her tremble with the want to go back….back when he wanted her. It had been no more than 2 weeks since he left her the earth shattering note. That note that tore her to shreds. Just thinking about it the tears swelled up in her eyes.

It had been the same routine for the past five days. Wake only when Dorota opens the shades to the sun gleaming off the New York skyline, eat only when she brings meals, remain in bed and think about everything. Dorota carried in her small breakfast of fruit and a croissant and left her in her solitude. No one bothered to try to talk to her. They left her to mourn not knowing the agony and pain she was enduring. Blair Waldorf had never been so betrayed by herself, by her own feelings. She ate as she thought _He never wanted me. I was just another plaything. He didn't love me like I thought. I am nothing to him._

Then it came.

That ever familiar lump in her throat. The crying and distress brought it along. She knew it would happen. Blair carefully set her meal to the side and clipped her hair back. She then calmly walked to her bathroom and kneeled before the toilet. Then it happen. The problem she had gone to so many therapists and doctors for returned. A sufficient relapse. She picked her frail body off of the floor and began to wash her hands in the sink. Her bony white hands splashed water on her face as she looked in the mirror. Her hair was tangled and limp. Her face unmade revealing every blemish on her pale white skin. Her eyes were dark from days of unrest.

_Look at you. You look disgusting-You are disgusting. No wonder he left. He didn't want you. He wanted something better than this._

Blair shook off her feelings and wiped the tears from her eyes. She gathered her posture and climbed back into her bed. The ever familiar crease in her mattress hugged her every curve from sleeping in it. She rolled over and looked at her phone.

_Serena-7 calls Nate-1 call Dad-1 call Chuck-nothing_

She didn't know why she kept looking. She knew he wouldn't call. She knew that he wouldn't try to contact her. _ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz_ Her phone vibrated in her hand.

Hey B-Wanted to see if you were okay. Maybe you can stop by later. I miss you!-S

Blair shook her head. She had told Serena what had happened that morning she discovered the note but nothing after that. She sat up again and just stared at the text. Maybe it was time. Maybe she should start trying to be Blair again. No more distress from Chuck's abandonment. No more being his plaything. No more tears. She wanted to be Blair Waldorf again.


	2. Regret

_Ugh….Where am I? What happened last night?_

Chuck Bass rolled over in the Egyptian cotton sheets that he was entangled in. Where the hell was he? He knew he shouldn't have gotten so drunk last night, but it's the only way. The only way to get her off his mind.

_The door to the suite flew open with a bang. He was kissing her. Holding her. Suppressing his feelings the two ways he knew how. Liquor and women. She giggled in a drunken haze as he began to undo her blouse. When she began to speak it sounded like gibberish to him. It was okay. He wasn't interested in what she had to say anyway. Ah the mystery of the Orient he thought. He tore off her blouse and pushed her back onto the sofa. When she looked up at him he stopped. Those eyes were not the eyes he wanted looking back up at him. Those eyes were green and almond shaped, not the large round brown ones he had grown to adore. Those eyes were empty and red from intoxication, not full of love and compassion that shimmered in his direction. They were not loving and harsh all at the same time. They were not inviting and sneaky and seductive. They were not her eyes. He couldn't do it. At that point the girl slumped back into the bed, passed out in the drunken stupor. He lifted her up and threw her on the couch carelessly as if she were no more than a simple Raggedy Ann doll. He flopped back into his luxurious bed and stared up into the darkness of the suite. All he could see was her face. That's all he could ever see anymore._

He flipped over and sat up and immediately remembered where he was. The half naked Asian girl passed out on the sofa was an answer enough. Last night. He shuddered at the thought of what he almost did. He knew it was wrong; He thought it would help. Blair was all he ever thought about anymore. He knew he'd hurt her. He could only imagine how upset she was and how she was handling everything. Remembering how she handled her break-up with Nate did not settle his discomfort. It was obvious he'd meant more to her than Nate ever had. He knew how much he loved her. He couldn't comprehend why he couldn't just say he loved her. Pride maybe? Nothing could explain it.

Chuck got up out of bed with a headache that threatened to make his head a permanent wall fixture in the suite in Thailand. He gently woke the girl he had attempted to have "relations" with the previous night and had her leave. He wanted to be alone. Pouring himself a fresh glass of scotch, he sat down behind the bar and pulled out his cell phone. One new message blinked on the screen. He flipped open his phone and dialed his voicemail. He immediately knew it was from Blair when he heard the whimpering. It always killed him having to listen to her fighting back tears on his account, and he'd heard her doing it roughly four times a day if not more over the past two weeks. It broke poor Chuck's heart listening to her whispering, her sniffling, her stammering, her begging—pleading with him to come home and come back to her. She'd said she'd change. She said she'd do whatever he wanted as long as he came back to her. Chuck had never known Blair to be such a pushover, so destroyed to put herself aside and let herself be hurt for the sake of another. Chuck had never known her to be so selfless. Chuck had never fully understood exactly how much Blair Waldorf loved him.

_Um….Chuck…I think at this point you know who this is. I can't ask you to come home anymore. I-i-I just can't do it. You've torn me apart and now I just need to fix myself. Fix what you've b-broken. I'm sorry that I've bothered you s-so m-much. No matter what h-happens I will still always love you. It just isn't enough for me to continue like this anym-more. I guess if I see you I see you. Be careful p-please. Just forget this ever happened._

No. He was losing his girl. He felt his heart crumble into a thousand pieces. What had he done? He had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him with one note. Without thinking he jumped up and began gathering his things. Nothing was going to stop him. He knew what he was going to do now. He felt his love grow even stronger. He loved her with all of his being and was never going to let her go. And that was exactly what he was going to say to her when he showed up in New York again. He wasn't going to lose his girl to anyone not even to himself.


	3. Hope

A/N:Hey, so I am probably going to be making very frequent updates because I am off for a few more days and I am very excited about this story. Review please. If you think of an idea let me know. All suggestions welcome. Thanks guys!

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"B? Are you okay?"

Blair looked up from her sitting stance next to the toilet and yelled "I'm fine" back at the door. Serena was starting to suspect something. She'd been at her house for just over 6 hours and hadn't eaten. She tried not to. When she did though, this is what happened. It was a reflex at this point. After one week of forcing herself to do it, the action became natural again. Old habits die hard. She washed her face and her hands and carried herself out to Serena's bedroom.

"Are you okay Blair?" she asked. Blair could see the concern in her eyes. She was the only one who had tried to call her every day before she had risen from her bed seven hours earlier. She was the only one who knew the whole story, the dirty details of the love that had risen and fallen and vanished before Blair's innocent eyes.

"I'm fine, I just ate to much that's all." Serena's concern turned to a stern wonder.

"Are you pregnant B? Tell me the truth because if you are I swear to god I will hunt down that stupid Bass and kill him." Blair jumped from the seat she had just taken at the end of Serena's bed.

"What?! No! How dare you accuse me of such things! Serena I thought you would know me better than that," Blair reached for her purse and started to head out.

"Wait B-"Blair halted in the doorway "I'm sorry you know I'm just concerned. After what happened with Chuck I just-I couldn't help but wonder ok?"

"Okay fine." Just then Serena and Blair's phones both went off at the same time. Serena flipped her phone open and gasped.

"Blair! Don't---" It was too late. Blair had flipped open her phone to a text message from Gossip Girl

_Spotted: Chuck Bass getting off a flight from Bangkok, Thailand at his daddy issued suppressed for now? So now that he's back I wonder how a certain Brunette is going to react. Welcome home Chucky. Xoxo Gossip Girl_

Blair's jaw dropped. Of course after she decides to forget he decides to come back. She threw her phone back into her bag and barely muttered an "I've gotta go" to Serena before fleeing the Van der Woodsen's home. She took the elevator down to the lobby and then out the revolving door.

_What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? I don't want him to see me like this. He won't come looking for me anyway. What's the point?_

Blair found her driver around the corner and asked for him to take her home. She thought it was over. It was so far from being over though. She had no idea that her favorite pair of eyes was watching her at this very moment.

Chuck couldn't help it. His eyes were transfixed on her from the moment he saw her again. She looked fine but he knew better. She didn't radiate the confidence she used to. He knew that just from looking at her. He knew something was wrong and he knew it was all about him.

He watched her car speed away. God knows to where. He'd gotten the same Gossip Girl text the rest of them had. She was probably running away from him at this point. Just then his phone vibrated. Serena.

_Here goes nothing_

"Hello?" he said monotonously into the receiver.

"Chuck! I swear if you even go near her I will strangle you with your favorite scarf do you understand me?? I'm not kidding." Serena shrieked. Chuck couldn't help but laugh because she sounded so like her mother.

"Well hello to you too sis"

"Chuck I'm not kidding. If you go to her you will destroy her even more. She just got up the nerve to talk to anyone so please Chuck don't"

"I love her"

"Wh-what?"

"That's right. I love her and that's why I came back so I'm going to do anything I have to"

"And what makes you think you have the right to do that?"

"I'm Chuck Bass"

"That's not a reason..I J-"

"Bye Serena" Chuck clicked the phone shut and smiled at the thought of Serena screaming at the phone in total frustration with him.

"Driver, to Blair's penthouse." Chuck's excitement suddenly turned to nerves as his driver took off in the direction of Blair's residence. What was he going to say? Was she even going to listen to him? He knew that he had to try to win her back, not matter what. It didn't matter if he didn't try.

Moments later he was parked in front of the enormous building that housed his love. All of a sudden he felt his legs go numb in an attempt to keep him from going inside. He pulled himself out of the car with all of his willpower and pushed forth through the lobby and into the elevator. The elevator seemed to go slower than it ever had. He started to think about turning around, stopping this whole charade. He already knew she was going to hate him. It was too late, he had reached her penthouse.

Chuck stepped out of the elevator, his hands in his pockets. Blair was nowhere to be seen. He heard a faint coughing coming from upstairs. Blair. He knew he had to do it. He wanted to. He ran up the stairs and into the familiar hallway that led to her room. He could hear the faintest lines from "Breakfast at Tiffany's" coming from her television. He then knew she was definitely home. The coughing grew louder. He walked down the hallway and then finally after what seemed like forever, reached her room. Chuck took a deep breath and pushed the door open ever so slightly.

Chuck stepped into her bedroom with the greatest of ease. Everything had been unchanged since he left her two weeks ago. The noticed the note he had left her was sitting on her nightstand. Tissues were strung around her bedside, obviously two weeks' worth. He knew he had hurt her. He did not know she hadn't left this room, the room they shared their last rendezvous in, the room where he cried in her arms, in two weeks.

"Blair?" He whispered. The toilet flushed in her bathroom and the door swung open. Blair stepped out of the bathroom in the blue silk nightgown she had stripped down to when she got home. Her head hung down towards the floor as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

_My god_

Chuck looked at her with all of the want in the world. Her frame had obviously thinned a bit. Her brown curls were flat and dull. Her skin was white-ghost white. She looked sick. He was ashamed. He knew he was responsible for this Blair he saw before him. She was unlike he had ever seen her.

Finally she looked up at Chuck. She stopped right in her tracks no more than five feet away from the man she loved. Her eyes grew large and her jaw dropped. She had expected him no doubt, but not this soon. Her jaw quickly closed and turned to a frown. He could see the tears forming in her eyes and it broke him. He never wanted to see her cry.

Both tried to speak but nothing came out. Where to begin? What to do? What to say? Finally the silence was broken when Chuck pushed out the three little words Blair had begged him to say to her two weeks ago.

"I love you"


	4. Anger

A/N: Haha I told you I'd be updating frequently. My 4th chapter tonight! I'm just really stoked about this story. Here ya go…

Blair could do nothing but stand there. Disbelief shot through her veins where the despair once sat. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry, to run or to stay, to kill him or kiss him. This whole time she thought she was unwanted, a plaything in his eyes. Chuck just stared at her begging her with those eyes she loved so much. Begging her to forgive him. Begging her to believe him. He wasn't staring down at her scandalously dressed body, he was looking into her eyes, pleading with her to take this at face value.

"What?" She shook out. It was barely audible over the television. Chuck dared to step closer only to watch her take that step backward. He knew he had scared her. He'd hit her with something she thought wasn't ever going to happen. It was a lost dream to her.

"Blair…"He tried to step forward again and this time she stood still. Afraid to move. Afraid to scare him away. Afraid to lose him again. "I love you. And I'm sorry I hurt you." Blair could feel the anger building up inside of her. That was it? She was heartbroken for the past two weeks and that was all he had to say. Her rage built up and then there was nothing she could do to stop it. Blair walked up to Chuck and shoved him as hard as he could. He staggered back and caught himself on her nightstand. The tears filled her eyes almost immediately as Chuck finally began to realize what he had done to her. He had crushed her spirit. That fire that burned within her was just reignited with the rage and hate she had built up towards him.

"Blair, please-"

"What?!? What do you want me to say Chuck? I forgive you? You broke my heart. You just left without a word. I tell you I love you, I tell you I will always be there for you and you leave. No goodbye, nothing! I thought I maybe meant something to you, I thought maybe you felt the same way you were just being that stubborn asshole you always are! But, no, I was just another plaything for you, another one to add to your collection of conquests. You have no idea what it has taken for me just to get out of bed every day. I felt so abandoned and disliked by you that all those hopes I had for you and me just flew out the window. We are Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. Before I thought that would be the factor that would build us, but now I see that we can't be together just for that. Because I am Blair and You are Chuck." The tears streamed down her cheeks breaking his heart even more. He never meant to hurt her like this. Blair sat down on the edge of her bed, her fury tiring her out. Chuck did not dare to sit. He knew there would be hell to pay for that move.

"Blair I-I just-I don't know okay? I am so sorry. I never ever meant to do this to you. I never meant for you to lose your faith in me. I was scared and upset. My father _died _ Blair,you have to understand that. I had to get away, I just never meant to hurt you this badly. I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd done to you the whole time I was away. I've never cared about someone like this I just don't know what to do. Tell me what to do Blair." Chuck felt a single tear stream down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away. He was Chuck Bass. He was never supposed to cry.

"Ok how about don't call me, don't text me, don't try to get in touch with me, whatever we had it was a fleeting memory in my mind. It doesn't matter anymore." Blair stood up and pulled her hair back. She was trying to remain poised for the few more moments he would remain by her side.

"How can you say it doesn't matter Blair? It mattered to me. Every second mattered to me because I got to experience something real for once. I found myself in you. I found the woman I want forever with." Chuck couldn't control it anymore. Those were the words that tore through his flesh like nothing ever could. He cried right there for Blair to see. And then she knew he was serious. She had mattered to him. Tears were streaming down her face but she couldn't give in now.

"And how long is forever, Chuck? A week? Two weeks? Until you decide to go on your next vacation to the Himalayas or Milan or Canada? I'm not going to take that risk Chuck. I'm not risking you leaving me and feeling like this again. It's not fair." Blair lowered her head. _Screw it I'm taking the risk _He thought. He walked right up next to her and grabbed her chin with his hand. He angled her head towards him and brushed a loose strand of hair out of her face. He wanted to kiss her and hold her and never let go. He wanted to be with her but he knew it would take time.

"I'm not going anywhere" he whispered "Not now, not ever. It's you and me Waldorf. For the long haul." He leaned in and gently brushed his lips against hers, both of them feeling the immediate electricity. Blair pushed him away. _This isn't supposed to happen_. She wiped the tears from her face and gathered herself. He could do nothing but watch and hope. She would be his.

"Chuck I need you to leave" Blair whispered. She was fighting to regain control in the situation. She knew he was pulling her in and she was losing it. Chuck reached for her trembling chin, trying to convince her it was all okay.

"Blair-"

"Chuck…please…."She pleaded. He looked into her tear-filled eyes and obliged. He kissed her forehead quickly and turned to leave, stopping in her doorway.

"I'm not leaving Blair, I'll be back."


	5. Concern

A/N: Please leave me reviews I want some input on where you think I should take the story. Do I put Chuck and Blair off or push them together as a couple quickly, Let me know what you think. I'm torn. Enjoy!

It had been three days since Chuck showed up in New York again. Three days of anger, three days of hurt, three days of thinking. Blair was dolling herself up for a dinner party at the Van der Woodsen's? Basses'? What was she supposed to call them since Bart's passing? She only hoped that Chuck wouldn't be there. Since his father's death he hadn't exactly been on the best terms with Serena's family. She didn't want to risk it. If she had any say in the matter, she would stay home, away from everyone. But her mother insisted and there was no getting out of what Eleanor wanted.

Blair reluctantly slipped on her Vera Wang fire-engine-red cocktail dress and black Manolos. Her smoky eyes and obnoxiously red lipstick was sure to set Chuck off if he was stupid enough to show. She let her hair hang down, framing her face with such delicacy she resembled one of the many porcelain dolls her mother bought her as a child.

"Blair! Let's go!" Her mother yelled from downstairs. She knew if she kept her mother waiting she would never hear the end of it, so she swept up her Kate Spade clutch and hightailed it out ofher bedroom and downstairs into the foyer.

Once at the Van der Woodsen's, Blair greeted everyone with her false poise and dignity she put on just for the night. She smiled and chatted and led everyone to believe she was okay. Lilly then made an announcement that dinner was to be served and everyone was to take their seats. Blair found her seat at the end of the table with Serena at her left and Nate at her right. As she and Serena chatted away about her mother's new spring line, the empty chair across from her went unnoticed. Dinner was served. Blair stuffed her face with lobster in butter sauce and asparagus, salad, and a number of highly rich desserts, pretending to enjoy herself but indulging herself to hide her feelings

As she downed that last bite of her chocolate mousse, she felt that all too familiar feeling. The feeling that she looked bloated and fat. The one that screamed _everyone is looking at you and how disgusting you are._ She knew what was going to happen.

"Excuse me," she whispered to Serena as she jumped up from her chair and power walked her way upstairs. The further away from the party she was, the less likely she would be heard. She silently entered Chuck's old bedroom. He was living at the Palace now so there was no way anyone would find her here. Then she entered his bathroom, tying her hair back as she bent over the toilet. Disappointed, she slipped a single finger down her throat which was enough to trigger the urge. She was so upset with herself. How could she let a boy make her feel so worthless? She sat down next to the bathtub as she caught herself and regained her strength. Finally, she stood up washed her hands and her face and headed out of the bathroom and through his bedroom to go back down to the party.

"Anything you want to tell me Waldorf?" a voice questioned in the darkness of the empty bedroom. Blair jumped and flicked on the lights. Chuck was leaning right next to the bathroom door a look of concern spread across his face. Blair immediately went into defense mode. _Deny everything._

"Um…no just ate too much that's all" Blair fidgeted with her hands. That was how he could tell she was lying. It was the only physical way she had of telling him. Chuck walked over to her, the worry spread out across his face. They both knew that he knew what she had just done, but it wasn't enough for them to mention it. They stared at each other for a bit. When she started to feel dizzy and weak, she simply turned around and left, leaving him nothing to hold on to.

Once Blair rejoined the party, everything was fine again. She put on her fake smile for the world to see and began chatting up Serena once more. Chuck had decided to slip down to the party as well, greeting everyone and apologizing for being late. Blair already knew he was going to sit across from her…and he did. As everyone sipped their after dinner drinks, They caught each other's eyes every once and a while, pretending to be interested in the separate conversations they were having. Serena excused herself to the restroom which left Blair, alone. She tried just to stare down at her drink, waiting ever so impatiently for Serena to return. Then Chuck looked at her and caught her eye.

'I love you' he mouthed to her. Blair got a look of irritation that spread across her face like a wildfire.

'Stop it!' she mouthed back. Chuck was hurt at this but he just kept on.

'I love you Blair' he tried again. Blair's face turned red.

'Stop it!!'She mouthed with fury. Chuck knew he was pushing it, but he couldn't help it. He missed her embrace the past few weeks and didn't want to go without her any longer.

'Blair, I love you!!!' He mouthed with more intent than the previous times. Blair shook with anger and hurt than before.

"STOP IT!" she screamed out. All of her emotions came flooding out. The entire party turned to look at her in wonder and even Chuck was in disbelief. No one expected that. Blair looked around at the entire party staring at her. She was so embarrassed about her outburst that she gathered her bag from the table and fled to the elevator. Her emotions came flooding out and he bawled the whole way down to the lobby. She ran out the revolving door and down to the corner where she leaned her back against the nearest building and broke down. She knelt down to her knees and cried into her hand like she had never cried before. The people and things surrounding her turned into a blur. She was a mess. Reality and her dreams had hit her like a zillion bricks at light speed. She fell apart right there on the street corner with no one to pick up the pieces.

Chuck had no reason not to follow her. He watched her gather her things and the swarm of people watched him chase after her. He ran down the stairs, fourteen flights to be exact. He sprinted through the lobby and once on the street looked everywhere for his girl. There she was. Bent over on the corner like she was dying. Like she had been torn to shreds. He slowly walked over to her trying to take in her every emotion as he went. He finally reached her and couldn't speak

"Blair-" he muttered. She slowly looked up at him and struggled to speak.

But she didn't need to speak.

The anguish in her eyes told him enough.


	6. Longing

A/N: I guess it's a good thing I can't stop writing right? I have so many ideas.

Blair looked up at Chuck from the pavement. How could he have done this to her If he loved her so how could he do this? The tears kept flowing and she struggled to regain herself. She wanted the control back. She wanted to feel like she had some say in her emotions. But ever since Chuck Bass, she hadn't had control of anything.

"How could you do this?" she finally asked through tears, "If you love me so, why would you hurt me like this?" She was shaking now. Her tremors were visible to Chuck. He took off his jacket and threw it around her exposed shoulders. He kneeled down beside her and just stared at her tears dripping down onto his Armani jacket.

"Blair I never wanted you to feel like this. You have always mattered to me-Always. There is nothing more I want than to just be with you. I don't ever want to see you cry. It makes me feel horrible. I want to cry myself when I think of what I've put you through over the past few weeks. "He gently stroked her cheek with the corner of his thumb trying to comfort her without pushing her over the edge again. He wanted her to be comfortable with him around, not threatened by his simple presence.

She didn't know what to say. She was once again torn between hating Chuck Bass or throwing herself into his arms and giving herself to him. She turned to face him, she could just see it now-their future. It would be messy and bumpy and horrible. However, she could see how it would be a beautiful disaster. A wonderful mess that she longed for. A reality that was finally real.

"Chuck, I just don't know what to say I'm so furious with you! I'm so mad. And hurt. You hurt me so badly. And I'm happy. I want you to want me Chuck. I want to be with you. I don't know what to say."

She placed her face back into her hands hoping it would clear her mind of the thoughts that would never happen. There would never be a white picket fence with two kids and a dog in the backyard. There would never be summer homes in the Hamptons or winter cottages in Vail. There would never be a white dress or a ring. At least she didn't think there would be. They were Chuck and Blair. They didn't fit the typical standards. But then maybe they could make their own. She stood up abruptly and began to pace back and forth. Chuck stood and looked at her curiously. She wanted to give in. They both knew it. She just couldn't.

"How dare you Chuck Bass? How dare you make me fall in love with you!"

"Blair I'm sorry! I don't know how to show you anymore but I am sorry."

"Sorry?!? If you were so sorry you wouldn't have left in the first place! If you loved me you would never want me to feel like this If you---" Blair began to feel dizzy. The entire city began to spin around her and fade in and out.

"Blair? Are you okay?" she heard faintly com from Chuck's lips. Then it wall went dark. The crowds, the taxis, the lights, it all faded.

Chuck watched her eyes roll into the back of her head and instinctively caught her before she hit the ground. He kneeled to the ground with her in his arms.

"Blair" he said shaking her "Blair, please wake up! Please!" His voice became panicked as he shook her harder. She wouldn't stir. _Oh My God. Not her. Please don't let me lose her too._

"Someone help!!" He screamed "Help us please!!" The city began to fade around him as he focused in on the one thing that mattered to him. His stomach churned with an all too familiar feeling.

There was no way he was losing his Blair tonight.


	7. Fear

A/N: Thank you guys for all of your feedback. I notice that in the first and third chapters there are sentences that have been blended together and don't make any sense. There is only one per chapter but it doesn't show up that way in my document so I don't know how to fix it. Sorry. Keep reading though, we are about to get very deep into Chuck's emotions.

_Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock_

Chuck paced back and forth in the fluorescently lit hallway of the hospital. The waiting was killing him. How much longer? They had to know something soon. He had been waiting for four hours. He turned to see Nate reading a magazine in the waiting room. Serena was pacing nearly as much as he was, only with that Humphrey kid clinging to her shoulder. Then there was Lilly and Eleanor, chatting away as if nothing was wrong. _That is her mother_, he thought, _The woman who gave her life. How can she sit there and do nothing? Pretend like everything is okay?_ He cared more about her than even her mother did, and that sickened him. HE was there when she fainted, he was there in the ambulance when she was brought over, he had been here waiting so eagerly for any news….good or bad.

_The ambulance pulled up to the street corner as Chuck watched a kind stranger performing CPR on his one and only. The woman had said she was a doctor, but that didn't matter. It didn't matter who she was, He just wanted someone to help her. He didn't know how to do any of that. He couldn't help her. All he could do was watch. Chuck clung to her icy cold hand as the woman stepped aside. EMTs burst out of the back of the ambulance carrying a backboard. They rushed over to Blair's limp body and began to move her onto the board. Her frail hand slipped from his as they lifted her up and carried her to the ambulance. Chuck stormed after them and attempted to push his way onto the ambulance behind her, but was denied entrance._

"_And who do you think you are?" one of the EMTs asked. Chuck thought quickly. He wasn't going to leave her alone. _

"_I'm her husband" he pushed out quickly. He stood on his tiptoes trying to get a glance of Blair. The EMT looked at him questionably and stepped aside._

"_Go ahead" he said as he allowed Chuck into the ambulance. He stormed his way in beside her as the doors were shut behind him. He once again picked up her delicate hand and silently vowed never to let it go._

He needed answers now. Chuck carried himself over to the nurse's station where a receptionist sat filing her nails and sipping on a generic coffee.

"Excuse me" he asked "Can I find out how Blair Waldorf is doing?" The nurse sighed and began flipping through the stack of files that was piled up next to her. Chuck tapped his fingers on the countertop-- _Could she go any slower?_

"Um no news on her yet, but you can take a seat and we will let you know as soon as we know something." She looked up at him in irritation.

"What do you mean you know nothing?" Chuck could feel the anger boiling up inside of him as Nate looked up at the scene that was beginning to unfold. He jumped out of his seat and walked over to Chuck who was beginning to lose his cool.

"How can you know nothing?!?" Chuck yelled at the stunned nurse. "We've been here for four hours and-" Nate pulled Chuck aside and pushed him to the far end of the waiting room. Chuck began to pull at his hair in frustration.

"Dude," Nate soothed "Chill out, it's all okay. She-"

"It's all okay?" The anger boiled up inside of Chuck "It is not okay! I'm terrified! That is my Blair in there—My Blair! And she is hurting. Do you understand how hard it is to see the woman I love in pain like this? Do you know how hard it is for me to sit here and not be able to do anything for her? For my Blair?!?" Chuck slid down against the wall and sat on the floor. The entire waiting room looked over at him falling apart again. No one had known he felt that way about her. He began to fight back tears as Nate slid down next to him.

"Man, I had no idea-"

"Well now you do" he whispered harshly. " I'd like to be alone Nathaniel, so if you could please leave me I'd be forever grateful." Nate happily obliged and stood up, patting him on the back, comforting him the only way he knew how. He had never seen Chuck like this. So completely infatuated with one person it took over his entire being. Nate walked away and left Chuck to his peace. There was nothing he could do for him.

Just then a doctor emerged from behind the double doors that had been taunting Chuck for the past four hours. Chuck looked up and stared at the doctor in hopes he would speak her name. And he did.

"Blair Waldorf" the doctor stated, waiting for her family to arise. The entire waiting room of people stood up and walked over to the doctor for the news. Chuck pushed his way to the front of the group of "How is she's? " and "Is she going to be okay's ?"

"Mrs. Waldorf is going to be fine. She apparently hasn't been eating. There are slight scars in her throat indicating that she is suffering from bulimia. She fainted from being malnourished. She is sleeping right now bu—"

"Can I see her?" Chuck interrupted hopefully. The doctor turned to him with an understanding look and nodded.

"In the doors. Take a right, third door on the left." Chuck fled the group in a panic. The entire crowd gazed as he sprinted away towards her room. Chuck counted the doors and stopped at number three

There she was. His Blair. He slid slowly into the room and shut the door behind him. She lay sleeping so peacefully with her hair framing her face. She even looked beautiful in a hospital gown. Chuck became nauseated seeing her surrounded by all of these machines. She had two IV's in her arms and a heart rate monitor attached to her chest. He knew he had done this to her. It was his fault. Chuck grabbed the single chair in the room and pulled it close to her bed, taking hold of her pale hand. He fumbled with it in his own. He loved these hands. The hands that held him and comforted him when he needed it most. This was when he was supposed to return the favor. She needed him.

"Blair, honey, I'm so sorry" He whispered. The tears flooded down his cheeks. He had no restraint. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did this to you. This is all my fault. How could I do this to you?" Chuck buried his face into the bed beside her sleeping body and sobbed. The company of people stood at the window, watching, but not daring to enter. They knew to just leave them alone after Chuck's outburst in the waiting room.

Chuck buried his face into the bed and cried. There was nothing he could do for her, but he knew it was his fault. He had done this to her. He poisoned his Blair.


	8. Guilt

Blair's eyelids flittered open and the white hospital room came before her eyes. _What happened?_ She knew what had happened though. She had once again pushed herself to that ultimate extreme. She had pushed herself too far trying to make herself feel the slightest bit better. Her head pounded and her body was so weak. Blinking, she used all of her energy and turned her head and saw him. Lying there asleep at her side. She never expected to see him. Maybe Serena or her mother, but not him. She half wanted him to leave and half wanted him to wake up and stay.

"Chuck? Chuuuck?"

Chuck stirred on the uncomfortable mattress of the hospital bed. He grimaced as the fluorescent lights hit his face. Groaning, he lifted his face the slightest bit as a single finger poked at his shoulder.

"Chuck?"

Chuck looked up and saw her half smiling face looking down at his. She still looked sick. Her complexion was white as snow and the color in her lips had faded along with the color in her once shimmering chestnut hair. She was struggling and he could see it. He slid his head up and could only look at her. She struggled to find the words but could only mutter a simple "Hi."

He felt the emotion flooding out of him again. The simple fact that she was okay was enough to break the poor kid down. He held his head down and stared at the sheets on the bed. Then he just couldn't help it anymore. He got up and sat on the edge of the bed where his face was 30 seconds before. Brushing the strands of loose hair out of her face, he smiled at her. He ws surprised when she half smiled back at him.

"Blair I'm sorry." He turned his head back down to the sheets, his hand falling to her lap. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't left you, If I hadn't abandoned you, you would've never done this to yourself. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to end up here. I-" Blair slowly lifted her finger and placed it on his lips. She sighed and placed it down in her lap.

"This is not your fault. This has everything to do with me. I have a problem and there is no way this is your fault." He shook his head.

"But Blair—Yes it is. You could've been seriously hurt. You could've died Blair. I just-" She again shushed him with that single finger. This time, much to his surprise, she held the very tip of his fingers with her hand. She didn't want to talk about it. It was her problem. She didn't want the pity and help. She wanted to be normal. This was her own fault.

"But I'm still here. I am fine." Blair pulled her hand away quickly after realizing what she had just done. She looked up at him and saw him starting intently at her. Those eyes were burning into her soul again. Chuck couldn't hold it in anymore.

"And thank god for that" he stated swiftly before pulling himself into her. Their lips met and the electricity shot through both of them. He ran his hand through her hair and the other rubbed her cheek. Blair pulled away quickly. She turned her head away in complete shock and touched her faded lips. He knew he had pushed it too far so he sat up and began to head for the door.

"Chuck—" Blair called as he started to open the door. He turned and saw her eyes staring at him. They looked at each other, both hurt, both wanting, both loving the other.

"Will you please stay? I really don't want to deal with Eleanor and her complaining right now." Blair begged him with her now dull brown deer eyes. Chuck smiled. She was taking that first step.

"Anything for you Waldorf." He walked over and sat down on the bed next to her again. They smiled at each other and began chatting. Blair reached out and grabbed his hand. Chuck looked down at the pair of hands in her lap and his grin grew wider. Not just because she was holding his hand, but because this time, it was no accident. She actually wanted to.


	9. Resistance

Blair's eyes burst open as soon as she realized she had fallen asleep. They had fallen asleep. After spending the full night waiting for her to wake up and trying to recover from and eating disorder gone bad, they both passed out after merely a few minutes of talking to each other. The time 3:09 flashed on the clock radio on the table next to her. Feeling all the strength rush back into her veins, Blair rolled over so quickly it gave her a headache. Her worst fear came true.

He was gone.

Nowhere to be found. Not even a note to calm her darkest nightmares. Blair began to panic. He left her again. She tore through the pillows and threw all of the covers of the bed, searching for a note—anything even to give her some sort of satisfaction.

_How could you fall in to his trap Blair? You knew he didn't want you. You knew he was toying with you. He is the reason you are even here, Why does it matter? _

Just then the door creaked open and Blair immediately looked up, hoping it would be him who walked in.

"Hey B! How are you feeling?" Serena Van der Woodsen sank down into the chair that had previously been occupied by Chuck's sleeping body. Serena took a look around the room and noticed the destruction that Blair had just committed. Blair was continuing to dig through anything she could reach with that damned IV in her arm for a sign. "Blair, what are you doing?"

"He's gone Serena!" She sat back into her bed and placed her hands over her face. "He left me again." Serena got a puzzled look on her face.

"But B—I saw you both right after the doctor told us you were okay. You were both asleep here. You looked to peaceful no one wanted to disturb you. Plus after Chuck's little announcement, we all knew that it was just a bad idea to bother him with you."

"Well remember Serena, the last time he left we were sleeping and peaceful as well. Now he's just run off and left me again." Blair buried her hands in her face after shooting a stern look to her blond friend. "Wait, what announcement?"

"Chuck pretty much announced to all of your friends and family that he was in love with you last night. He almost hit Nate because he was so scared for you. I've never seen him like that B. I think he meant it." Blair looked up at her in disbelief. He would have never confessed his feelings to her let alone her entire family. Serena nodded, as if to reassure her that it had really happened.

"Then, Serena, Why isn't he here? Where did he go?" Serena had never seen Blair like this before either. She was so flustered by this man that she once despised that it worried her.

"I'm sure he'll be back. If he does love you he will come ba—" Just at that moment, the door swung open to reveal a freshly dressed Chuck Bass, carrying a tray of Starbucks and a bag full of pastries. Serena turned to Blair and raised her eyebrows as if to say 'I told you so'. She looked from Chuck, who was glowing with happiness, to Blair, who's eyes sparkled with relief, and decided that was her cue.

"I'll leave you two to your business," She said smiling.

"Van der Woodsen, always a pleasure," he smirked at her as she left. Chuck looked around at the destruction that Blair had created. Blair looked up at him and half-smiled.

"What the hell happened in here Waldorf?" he laughed.

"It's not funny." She shot back. Chuck looked at her. What had happened?

"Blair, what's wrong?" He sat in the chair next to her bed, setting the breakfast he had brought for them down. She looked up at him and couldn't believe he was still there.

"I thought you had left me again." She whispered. She bowed her head down but he lifted it right back up with his hand at her chin. He made her look directly into his eyes.

"Blair, I promise you I will never leave you like that again. I _promise_." He lifted her chin up so their lips would gently meet, but Blair pulled away.

"Chuck, I'm sorry. I just don't think I'm ready for that just yet." The words crushed him, but he understood. He needed to earn her trust back. Chuck nodded and handed her a cherry turnover from the bag he carried inside. He knew they were her favorite. Blair held it in her hand and just stared at it. She hadn't had one of these in a long time, since the night that her and Chuck first….

"I'm not hungry" she spewed quickly. She set it down on the bed in front of her. Just looking at it made her sick. The memories made her physically sick to her stomach. The lump built up in her throat again. She knew she had to fight it, but she didn't know how. Chuck could see that the turnover was taunting her; She was fighting with herself.

"Blair, you need to eat. Please? I don't ever want to see you like this again. I need you to get better." Chuck begged her with his eyes. He picked up the turnover and held it to her lips. Oh, how he wanted to kiss those lips. Blair turned her head and shook her head.

"Chuck, please, I just don't feel like eating. I'm not hungry." Blair pushed his hand away from in front of her face. The lump in her throat was growing. She had been force fed by an IV for nearly 24 hours. She knew there was no reason for her to eat now. Chuck pushed it in front of her again.

"Just one bite Blair, That's all I'm asking for." Blair pushed the turnover out of his hand again. This time she turned to look at him.

"I don't need to eat that Chuck. Look at me. I'm hideous. I'm disgusting. I don't know how you can even look at me." Chuck couldn't believe what he had just heard come from her mouth, but he knew she was serious by the look in her eyes. This was the first time he would see that this wasn't just a physical disease; it was affecting her view of herself. How she thought she was disgusting was beyond his belief.

_How could such a beautiful girl think so lowly of herself? Why could she not see what I see?_

"Blair you are far from disgusting. You are perfect; I don't know why you can't see that." Chuck moved onto the bed and sat beside her. Blair turned away with a huff.

"If I was perfect you wouldn't have left me. You wouldn't have said 'Too bad' when I told you I loved you. You wouldn't have broken me." She hated to blame this all on him, but his actions had triggered her relapse. She couldn't look at him. She hated herself for blaming him and she hated herself for doing this to herself.

"Blair, I left because I was hurt. I was scared. My father just died. I was hurt and alone. I was scared that we were going to get to close and I would just hurt you. I didn't want to admit that I loved you because I didn't want to hurt you; I didn't want to lose you because I screwed up. I'm Chuck Bass, I didn't do love." Blair turned to look at him. He tried to get her to believe that he had changed. She turned away quickly, she couldn't possibly believe that.

_What does he take me for? A fool?_

"Blair, you are my love, you are my one and only. You are _perfect. _You know Chuck Bass could only fall in love with perfection." He smirked and she smiled slightly with her head turned away. She couldn't show him the smile though. She flipped her head back to him.

"Fine. Give me the damn turnover." He held it up to her lips for a third time and she took the slightest bite from the very corner. Chuck admired her effort. Blair however felt the lump build in her throat as soon as the pastry hit her tongue. He rubbed her back as he watched her struggle. It pained him to see her this way, to fight with the simplest little bit of food. Blair reluctantly forced herself to swallow and breathed a sigh of relief just as a nurse walked in.

"Oh good, you are awake Mrs. Waldorf."She said replacing the bag of IV fluid, " Your husband here was worried sick about you." Blair turned and stared at Chuck with an 'Oh my god' look spread across her face.

_Oh god_ Chuck thought _Oh this is perfect_

"He caused quite a commotion worrying about you in the waiting room last night. You are lucky to have a husband who cares about you." She hung the new bag of IV fluid on the little hook and left the room swiftly. Blair turned her head and stared at the wall in front of her.

"Chuck, what the _hell_ is she talking about husband?" she said angrily. Chuck stammered on his words and began to fidget with his hands.

"Well-uh- when the ambulance got to us on the street when you passed out, they wouldn't let me go with you. So, I told them I was your husband so I could go with you." Chuck sighed as she turned to look at him. She didn't know whether she should laugh or cry. All her dreams of white picket fences popped back into her mind.

"Chuck, I—. " Chuck stopped her. He shook his head and they both knew that he needed no words. He already knew what she had to say. He picked up the turnover and helped a still fairly weak Blair nibble at it. ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz. Blair's phone went off. She picked it up and read the text that had just been sent to her.

Blair ,it's mom. I know you come home tomorrow but I have to make a Paris run for work. I'll be home in a week. Dorota will take care of you until then.

"She couldn't even come say hello to her own daughter in the hospital," Chuck remarked. Blair shot a look at him.

" I think she forgot that Dorota is visiting her family this week. Now I get to be alone. I—"

"No" Chuck interrupted, " You will not be alone. I refuse. Come stay with me Blair. I'll be at the Palace now."

"Chuck I don't think that's such a good idea. I'll be fine. I'll see if I can stay with Serena." Blair flipped her phone open again to call Serena. But he flipped it shut in her hand.

"No. Stay with me, Blair. Please. I won't trust you under anyone else's care."

Blair sighed. "Fine, under two conditions."

"Name them."

"One, I get my own bed. I will not have you trying to get a feel in the middle of the night."

"Done, " he stated, "And two?"

"Don't make a move. I don't know how I feel about all this." Chuck sighed and nodded in agreement.

"Blair?" She nibbled at the pastry.

"Yea?"

"Don't to this to me again okay?"

"Whatever you say my husband." They both let out a small giggle, but hid the fact that they both kind of wanted it to be true.


	10. Acceptance

_A/N:Hey all! I just want to thank you guys for all the great feedback. I'm going to dedicate this chapter to sailor cyanide for sticking through this story. You review my every chapter and I appreciate that to no end, this being my first attempt at a story. Thank you! Enjoy…_

_Hmmmmm….._

Soft jazz began to flow through the suite at the Palace as Blair struggled to wake up. The shades flung open and the bright New York sun burst onto her face.

"My god Chuck, what the hell do you want?" Blair grumbled, still half-asleep. The previous night had been her first night in Chuck's suite at the Palace, and, much to her surprise, he had stayed on the couch to where she'd exiled him all night. She could feel his smirk building at her grumpiness. With a sigh, she flipped over onto her stomach and pulled the blue satin comforter over her head to block out the sun.

"Well good morning to you too princess," Chuck laughed. " I come bearing gifts." Blair rolled over under the covers onto her back.

"Presents?" she wondered aloud. Excitedly, she flipped the covers off of her body and scooted to the end of her bed and stared bright eyed at Chuck.

_My god she's beautiful. _Even in her flannel pajamas and no make-up and flat, tangled hair, she was still a goddess. Blair looked herself up and down for a moment at became embarrassed. She immediately got up and grabbed her hairbrush. Viciously, she combed at her hair, trying to get all of the knots out of her chocolate locks, but she was stopped by a hand.

"Stop." He said calmly. "You look amazing; You don't need to worry about what you look like with me." Blair set the brush down on the nightstand and turned to look at him. No more than six inches apart, the truth echoed in her head. She knew he was being honest. They began to stare into each other's eyes for just the slightest moment before Blair broke the silence.

"So, Bass, what kind of gift are we talking about?" She said, pushing her feelings to the back of her mind. Chuck shook out of his transfixion on her. He smirked and walked around the corner and pushed back a room service cart. Blair stared at it. Every breakfast food you could ever imagine was piled upon the tiny service cart. Her stomach churned.

"You're gift is hidden somewhere in here. Ready. Set. Go." He smirked. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled out a glazed donut. Holding it out to her, Blair suddenly felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. Hunger. She grabbed the donut out of his strong hand and downed the entire thing in sixty seconds. Chuck raised his eyebrows. He'd never seen a girl, let alone Blair, eat like this. He munched on a bear claw as she devoured three more donuts, a stack of pancakes and two over-easy eggs. He chuckled to himself as she began on a plate of French toast. Blair looked up at him, her mouth full of the sweet bread.

"What?" she hissed. Chuck smiled and shook his head.

"Nothing." He smiled, "I've just never seen a girl eat like that." Blair dropped her fork. She looked down at the empty plates in front of her. She felt sick.

_He's disgusted by me. What have I done? Do I want to end up huge?_

"Excuse me," She whispered. She jumped out of her chair and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She heard Chuck following her. She pulled her hair back and bent over the toilet.

"Blair!" Chuck pounded on the door and begged her "Blair, Please let me in! I want to help!" She listened to his pleading voice and succumbed. She gave into her feelings and settled into the space between the toilet and the bathtub. Pulling her knees to her chest, she bawled into her flannel pants. How could she even consider what she had just considered?

Chuck bust into the bathroom, spare key in hand, and looked down at his broken angel. It pained him to watch her fight this demon that had taken over her body.

"Oh Blair," He whispered. She looked up at him and ran into his arms.

"Chuck I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She bawled into his white Armani button up as he stroked her back. " I just—I need to be perfect."

"Blair, you are perfect." He muttered to her. He pulled her in tighter to how he was there for her. She squeezed him tighter, sniffing the cologne that was drifting from his neck.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It's okay." Blair stepped away from her knight in shining armor, wiping the tears with the back of her hand. She took a deep breath and steadied herself on the counter.

"Did you do what you came in here to do?" Chuck asked. Blair looked down at the counter and shook her head as he took a breath of relief. "Then you earned your gift."

Blair looked up at him in confusion. "What?" Chuck pulled a small black box out of his jacket pocket and handed it over to Blair. She looked from him to the small box that he had just placed in her hand. Curiously, she lifted the lid and gasped.

"Oh my, Chuck—They are gorgeous."

"I know that you have a thing for sapphires. The man in the shop said you've been looking at them for a while." Blair looked up at him. She'd never expected something like this from him. She knew he had never bought jewelry for another girl. He'd never bought anything for another girl—except for maybe a drink.

"The first day is always the hardest, I know. I figured you deserved it." A pair of gorgeous sapphire earrings sparkled back up at her from the box.

"It's only the morning." She said. Chuck nodded.

"And there are two more gifts waiting for you if you can be good today." Blair smiled. He knew exactly how to get to her. Oh, his power of persuasion was wondrous. Then Chuck's phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his other pocket and a puzzled look spread across his face.

"Excuse me," he said, leaving the room. Blair watched him leave and looked down in the little box. She pulled the earrings out one at a time and placed them into her delicate ears. Chuck re-entered the room with a solemn look on his face.

"Who was it Chuck? Is everything okay?" She turned to him as he continued to stare down at his phone in his hand.

"Um…yea" he said looking up into her eyes. The grief in his eyes became apparent to her immediately."They are reading Bart's will later today. They want me to be there."

"Oh." They hadn't talked about his father and what had happened. She didn't know how to react. She simply walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her closer by draping his arms across her waist.

"Will you go with me? " He asked. It took everything that he had just to ask her to be there. Blair pulled back and watched him pray her to do this with her. Blair nodded the slightest bit and said "For you, I'll do anything."


	11. Grief

_There she was. Standing in front of him, desperate to keep him alive. Pleading with him to not leave what they had. Whatever it was they had. She had said it. Those three little words the both of them had been urging the other to day for the three months prior. Looking down at her, he saw a future. A future of hurt and betrayal. A future of her tears and the destruction he caused. He wasn't good enough for her. He was no duke, He was no golden boy. He was Chuck Bass. Womanizing, Alcoholic, Manipulative Chuck Bass .He couldn't promise her a ring and a grand wedding at the Plaza. He couldn't promise her a couple little Basses and a home .He couldn't promise her sunshine and rainbows. He couldn't promise her a future. He couldn't promise her happiness. The thoughts were maddening. He had to let her go. Her brown doe eyes stared up at his intoxicated ones. The tears streaming down her face broke him. He never wanted to see her like that. The best thing for her was for him to not be in her life. For him to just leave her. Instead of saying those three little words he was dying to scream at the top of his lungs for all the world to hear, he hissed a sharp 'Too Bad' with all of the anger he could and climbed back into his limousine, hoping the harshness would set her free. Free from what they had._

"To my wife Lillian, I leave a quarter of my full estate, to keep her and my step-children level in society and to get back on their feet."

The room was silent—dead silent. Bart's lawyer had been reading the will for the past hour and had barely gotten to Bart's closest family. Lilly, Serena, and Eric sat holding each other in a far corner of the room. A few of Bart's associates gathered in the other. And there were Chuck and Blair. Sitting together in the center of the room.

"To each my step-children Serena and Eric, I leave two-hundred thousand dollars to start off a college education for them. It would be best for their mother not to worry."

Chuck tapped his foot impatiently on the hardwood floor. _How long is this supposed to take? _Blair saw the nervousness in his eyes. He buried his forehead into his hand in frustration. She didn't know how to help or what to say. What can you say to someone in this situation? Without thinking about it, Blair reached to Chuck and took his hand. He peeked up from his thinking and smiled slightly in her direction. He squeezed her hand at let his head return to face his lap.

"And to my son Chuck—" Chuck stood up and gazed intently at the lawyer. This is what he had been waiting for.

"I leave to him the remaining three-quarters of my estate, leaving aside three hundred thousand for a college fund. He shall also acquire the entirety of Bass Industries. He will be owner of the company in full but will not run it until he graduates college. Until that day his uncle Jack will be CEO and run every major decision through Charles. Charles even though I may not have shown it, I loved you very much and I wish you a great future. I will miss you every day from where I am headed." Chuck stared at the man for a few moments before turning and walking out of the room without a word.

Blair abruptly rose from her chair and left the room after him. He was standing outside the door just pacing in the hallway. He looked up at her and she saw the tears falling down his face.

"Chuck, are you okay?" She paced closer to him, only for him to take ea few steps away.

"You know, this is just like my father. He could never show me that he loved me, never! And now he's saying how much he cared at the bottom of a letter. A stupid damned letter." Chuck wiped the tears from his face. Blair again was at a loss for what to say.

"Chuck, honey, I'm sure he loved you. He wasn't an emotional man. He showed you as much as he could. I don't know what to say." Chuck stepped closer to her. She didn't know whether to comfort him or be frightened.

"He said he'd miss me from wherever he was. Well I'm sure he went straight to hell with the way he treated me. Leaving me all this stuff was his way of making it up to me. It was his way of making sure that he didn't have to feel guilty in the grave for not wanting me. He never wanted me. No one wanted me." Chuck pounded his fist into the wall next to him and slid down to the floor. Tears spilled from his eyes like a waterfall. Blair stepped in front of him and sank down to his level. Chuck sobbed with his face in his hands.

"Chuck," He raised his head the slightest bit to look at her, revealing the rivers forming on the apples of his cheeks. If there was anyone who was going to see Chuck Bass cry, he wanted it to be Blair. She was the only one who could help him. She was the only one who could save him.

"I want you. You don't see it but I want you. I care so much, Chuck. I never want to let you go." She couldn't help it anymore. She leaned into him and kissed him. She touched her lips to his to comfort them both. She had forgiven him. Seeing his grieving heart on his sleeve had shown her why he had to leave her. Chuck turned his head though.

"Blair, I'm no good for you. I'm not right for you. I'm not a duke, I'm not a golden boy. I am Chuck Bass. I can't promise you happiness. I can't promise you the future you want. I'm just going to hurt you. We are going to fight all the time and you are going to be miserable. I can't do that to you. Maybe this is a mistake—"

"Stop it. If this is all a mistake then why did you come back? Why did you even bother? I have never thought that this was a mistake. Was sleeping with you a mistake? No. Was the waiting a mistake? No. Was falling in love with you a mistake? Absolutely not. There is no one else I'd rather share a messy, horrible, dysfunctional relationship because it could be beautiful Chuck. We could be beautiful. I never asked you for perfection. I asked you to love me Chuck."

"And I do love you." Chuck pulled her in close and held her face to his. Pressing their foreheads together, he stroked the side of her face with his thumb. "I love you Blair." Their lips met and the electricity shot through them both. The world melted away behind them with all the feelings and the needs and the hassles. It was just the two of them and that's all that mattered. They could finally be Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. They could be what they had both fantasized about. Blair pulled away and caught her breath. Forehead to forehead, nose to nose, eyes locked in an intoxicating gaze, she repeated the three little words that sealed the deal.

"And I love you Chuck Bass."


	12. Forgiveness

_;sThis was it. This was their moment. She helped him out of the corner he slouched in and let him rest his weight on her shoulder as they walked downstairs and into his awaiting limousine. He clung to her like a child to his mother. One arm around her shoulder and forehead leaning down on the same one, he allowed her to wrap her arms around his waist. He loved how she held him. She never needed a reason, never asked his permission, never took no for an answer. She just draped her arms around him and held him tight as if she had to save him. But she did. He knew she had saved him from whatever fate would have befallen him if she had never been there. Without her he would probably be lying in a ditch on the side of a dirt road just outside Bangkok, all strung out on cocaine and whatever reaction came from the locally available prescriptions mixed with his breakfast, lunch, and dinner of vodka and scotch .She had rescued him from a dark future and there would never be enough words for him to tell her how much that had meant to him. _

_She helped him into the limo on the corner and crawled in behind him. They looked at each other as she entered. She scooted in closer to him and took his hand. His cheeks were stained from the tears that were still falling. She lifted her hand and used her thumb to wipe his tears away. Sniffling he took her hand and held it to his cheek. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and let the tears fall. He opened his eyes and stared back at her. "Help Me" his bloodshot eyes screamed at her. Leaning forward she kissed his forehead and then lightly brushed his lips to hers. She pulled back and looked at him. He needed her, now more than ever. He pulled her back in and kissed her more deeply. He used all the passion he could muster up and kissed her. She sighed slightly, not expecting the kiss and gave in. Slowly things progressed as they sat in the baron back seat of the limousine. _

Blair awoke in her bed in Chuck's suite at the Plaza. His arms were wrapped around her waist in a sleeping bear hug that no one could have escaped from. His bare chest was smashed up against hers and chin placed delicately into her shoulders. She turned her head and gazed at him. His hair was messy and draped over his eyes. He looked like a child sleeping there in her bed, the Egyptian cotton draping across him. He looked like a lost soul. He was starting to look like her Chuck again.

_He wrapped his arms around her waist and looked into her eyes. Her soul was exposed to him. They were standing in front of her bed in his suite, hands intertwined. He took a single finger and lifted her chin so she was looking at him. Then he kissed her. Slowly, gently, lovingly. Her hands grazed the back of his neck and pulled him closer. He pushed her back so her claves touched the edge of the bed and began to slowly unzip the back of her black strapless dress. Kissing her neck, he let the dress slide off of her and hit the floor. She began to unbutton his shirt as he looked down at her black matching bra and panties. He undid his own belt and let his own pants slide down beside her dress. She laid herself down on the bed pulling him on top of her. He slid his hand up her thigh and up to the small of her back. They kissed like they had never kissed before. All of the emotion was running out of them, leaving their bodies behind and entering a new realm of togetherness. He pulled up and looked down at her. This is what he had longed for all this time. He slid her panties down off of her and slowly entered her. They kissed and touched and loved more than they thought they ever could in a moment like this. It was a perfect moment._

_When all was said and done they lie there together in a peaceful silence. She traced circles on his chest and he stroked here hair, both staring at the ceiling._

"_Blair?" he whispered. She shook out of her trance._

"_Yea, Chuck?" she muttered back. He lifted her chin to his eyesight. _

"_I'm sorry." She nodded her head and simply said "I know" and that was that._

Blair looked at the sleeping Chuck and smiled. He began to stir and his serene slumber was broken. He flittered his eyelids and peered up from her shoulder.

"Good morning beautiful" he smiled.

"Good morning boyfriend" she smiled back.

"Boyfriend?" He questioned. He had been waiting for this moment. His heart skipped a beat as he awaited her reply.

"You heard me. Boyfriend" She smiled down at him as he instantly woke up. She knew this was the right time. She knew her Chuck was coming back to her.


	13. Shock

nA/N: School started up again today so updates will probably be less frequent. I am also thinking maybe I won't update before I get like three reviews a chapter, but I don't know because I am so addicted to this story. I'll let you all know. Thank you.

Blair and Chuck sat together in newly formed relationship bliss as they shared a room service breakfast in his suite. Both munched on fresh fruit and pancakes as they just gazed at one another.

_This is what it is supposed to be like. Her and I together. We should be able to sit in total silence and be comfortable. We should be able to do anything and be comfortable. _

He smiled as he took a glance down at her long silk robe that she was draped in. Her hair was limp and her face unmade. She had regained her color and looked healthy again. She looked like his Blair.

"So, girlfriend," He smiled at the title, "What would you like to do today. The world is your oyster when you are with Chuck Bass." She nodded in agreement.

"Well I don't know, boyfriend. Have any bright ideas?" He looked up at her and met her sight.

"We could spend all day here.." He smirked "In bed…"

'Haha no…"Blair ended that conversation right then and there. "I will not be treated like one of your plaything Bass."

"Well then I have another idea," She stared at him curiously.

"What's that?"

"It's a surprise…"He grinned at the pout that formed on her face.

"But, Chuck..."She whined. He laughed. Blair was not known to be a beggar. A whiner? Yes. But a beggar? Not so much.

"No, you will just have to wait." She put her head down and began to pout even more. She stomped over to the bed and flopped down like an angry child. He let out a laugh which brought her death gaze to his eyes. Even that didn't stop his laughter. He gathered himself from the chair and joined her on the bed, lying gently at her side. She let out a small smile.

Blair rolled over and laid, face down on top of Chuck, crossing her arms over his bare chest and relaxing her face in them. His heart fluttered as she batted her long brown eyelashes at him and her large brown eyes rested on his own deep green ones. She lightly began to trace her finger up and down his neck.

"I love you Chuck Bass" she whispered.

"And, Blair Waldorf," he flipped her over suddenly so he lied on top of her, "I love you." They grinned at each other and kissed. He kissed her with all of the love he could possibly build up within him. Just as things started to get steamy, a knock came to the door. They stopped suddenly and looked at each other, obviously irritated.

"ugh…" Blair sighed. Chuck rolled off of his girl and stood up next to the bed.

"I tell you what," He started, "I'll get the door and you can go get ready for your surprise. I have a feeling it will take you a _lot _longer to get ready than it will take me." Blair felt an argument build up inside of her but before she could let it out she knew he was right. He smiled watching her try to argue with him.

"Okay…" She rolled off the bed and hopped into the bathroom.

Blair looked at herself in the mirror as she closed the door behind her. Running her hands along her cheeks, she noticed the color had re-entered them. She no longer looked sick and miserable. She looked healthy and happy. Her hair had redeemed its shine, her eyes had regained their glow and her cheeks had their rosy flush back in them. For the first time in a long time, Blair Waldorf looked in the mirror and thought

_I look good. I feel good. He makes me feel beautiful. Hell, I am beautiful._

Blair smiled to her reflection in the mirror and reached for her toothbrush. Shortly after she realized there was no toothpaste. Still holding her pink toothbrush, she opened the door slowly and went to ask Chuck for some, but was surprised at what she saw.

She saw Chuck standing at the bar with a tall Asian woman. She had to be no more than twenty. Blair grabbed her water glass and took a sip as she gazed at the woman. She had long, thick black hair and a long, lanky frame that she would have killed for. Who was she? That wouldn't matter for long. Nothing would matter after she heard those two words come out of the woman's mouth that no girlfriend wants to hear.

Blair's glass dropped to the floor and shattered just as she heard those words come out of her mouth.

"I'm pregnant."


	14. Disappointment

_Oh. My. God._

Chuck and his little friend whipped around to see her standing in the doorway. Blair said nothing, her jaw hung down to the floor. Chuck looked from her to the little temptress that had just crashed their perfect relationship. She could feel the tears forming and the anger building inside of her.

"Who the _hell_ are you" she seethed through clenched teeth. Chuck tried to step closer to her.

"Blair, please calm down. Can we pl—"He was cut off by a raging Blair. She stepped back from him.

"Don't you dare come near me! Don't you dare! Again, Who the hell are you?!?!" Blair was infuriated. She stepped closer to the mysterious woman who had crushed her spirits.

"Uh…"The woman started, afraid to speak, "My name is Nina, and you are obviously Charles' girlfriend. That Blair girl he always talked about."

"Wow way to go Sherlock, you're a real pro," Blair hissed. Well, at least she had been talked about, but that was not going to save him this time. She turned away and held her face in her hands.

_This cannot be happening._

"So, Nina, do you mind sharing with me what your little situation is?" Blair already knew what she was going to say. The words already echoed in her mind as they were spoken.

"I am carrying his child." Simple as that, the words that she had been dreading killed her.

"I can't believe you Chuck" Blair turned around and snapped in his face. Next thing he knew, her soft white hand struck his face with all of the energy and harshness she could muster up. Her face was red with anger, but her eyes were wet with sadness. He knew there was no way of controlling the situation at this point.

"Blair, I'm sorry, I—"Chuck was cut off by a bottle of scotch hitting the wall next to him, drenching everything in the foul-smelling liquor. Luckily, Chuck had narrowly avoided being hit with the glass shards that flew across the room.

"You're _sorry? _Chuck do you not understand what is happening? She is carrying your child! She is taking everything I was going to have. She is making me share a piece of you that I NEVER wanted to share. You had _relations _with her obviously, that is bad enough, but for her to be carrying your child is unforgivable." Blair began to gather her things and head for the door.

"Blair, please!" He pleaded with her through tears, she turned and glared at him from the doorway leading out of the dream and back into the reality of the world.

"I'm sorry Chuck but this is something that I just can't handle. This is one thing that I can't forgive you for. This is one thing that will always pain me. This is one thing that you can guarantee I will think of for the rest of my life as the thing that killed my dreams." And with that, Blair left. She walked out of his luxurious sweet and back into the dark discomforting truth. Once again, she was alone, and another girl had stolen her dream from right underneath her nose.

Chuck set her up in a room at the Palace. He made sure she was comfortable and left her alone for the night. How could this happen? This is not what he wanted. Of course this would happen right when they were finally happy. Right when they were finally becoming what he wanted them to be.

He had seen the look in her face. It wasn't anger; it was disappointment. That was even worse. He knew she had dreams about having a family with him, what she didn't know was that he had those dreams too. If anyone were to carry his child, he would want it to be Blair. She would be a perfect mother and he knew it. It was inevitable.

Chuck laid down on the bed where they had woken this morning in a jovial bliss that couldn't be shaken. He flopped face down into the pillows and sobbed. Her scent still lingered on the pillows. Her shape was still imprinted in the mattress. Her tears were still stuck in his thoughts. He hated to see her cry, but he loathed himself when he knew it was his actions that made her weep in agony. He never wanted this. He didn't want a child with that whore. Hell, he never even knew her name until she had shown up today. Her pregnancy was the outcome of a twisted, coked out, drunken attempt at forgetting his Blair. He couldn't even remember the event itself. Never would he forgive himself for the pain he caused her because of an intoxicated mistake. Never would he be able to wipe her tears out of his memory.


	15. Hate

What seemed like four years and a thousand voice messages later, Blair laid in her bed and stared at the ceiling. It had been two weeks and she had spent the entire time ignoring Chuck. Now she fully understood what he had done to her the few weeks he had spent in Bangkok. The tiny crystal chandelier that hung from her ceiling seemed to blend directly into the royal blue paint that covered the roof over her. Suddenly, her phone began to blare "Moon River" from her favorite movie.

"Ugh, Chuck again," she griped to herself as she hit the silent button on her phone. It seemed like she had it that button at least forty times a day for the last two weeks. Every night she called her voice mail and listened to him apologize for an hour of voice mails, listening to him drunkenly tell her how sorry he was and that he didn't want a baby. Every night, she'd shed a few tears and then tell herself he wasn't worth it. He hadn't loved her enough to not fuck around while he was away. He hadn't loved her enough to just let it be her, and only her.

_Blair, it's me. Baby I'm so sorry. I didn't expect this to happen, especially not today. It was such a perfect day and I can't even imagine what I could've done to deserve that kind of perfection. I screwed up, I know I did, but you have to believe me when I say I did not expect this. I didn't even know this girl's name when she walked in today. I didn't know what I was doing while I was away. I was too high and too drunk to even know what was going on ninety-nine percent of the time. I don't remember her at all and just know that even though I may not have known what was happening, I was thinking of you. You were always in my head even though I wasn't aware of my surroundings .I love you. Please call me back; I'll do anything you want. _

Chuck sat behind the bar in the suite at the Palace. He'd spent his days drinking his hurt away and trying to ignore that Nina, whoever she was. He had set up a doctor's appointment for her in the morning with his special Bass family doctor. He hadn't even thought to get her checked out, not while he was thinking about Blair. It was his child, he should've cared right? He didn't want this baby. He wanted kids somewhere down the road, not now, not with her. If anyone was going to have his child, he knew who he wanted to mother them. Blair. She was the one he was destined to have a family with, he could feel it. Now only if she would talk to him, that would be perfect. He tried one final time to call her for the evening, but, as expected, straight to voicemail.

_Blair, honey, please call me. Nina has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'd like for you to be there. I don't want a baby. I never have. I don't even know this girl so how could I possibly want a baby with her. Please, if you can, come to the appointment. I want to talk to you. Nothing more, just to talk. I love you my Blair._

"I can't believe it." Blair whispered to herself. "Great" This couldn't be happening to her. Blair was Yale bound, destined for great things. She didn't know whether to cry tears of disgust or laugh out of the absolute ridiculousness of the situation. She picked up her phone and dialed her best friend.

"Hello?" Serena laughed into the phone.

"You busy S?" Blair whimpered into the phone.

"Kinda," Serena replied, "I'm in Brooklyn with Dan, are you okay, B?"

"Oh…uh…yea I'm fine S. I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out." Blair sighed.

"Oh how about you come over later B? You can stay over if you want."

"Oh, ok that sounds fine. I'll let you know" She slammed her phone shut and went into panic mode.

She sat at the edge of her bed and shook her head. Placing her face in her hands, she let out a huff. She couldn't do this, _they _couldn't do this. There was no way. After all, he had tried to make it so clear through all of those voice mails that he absolutely did not want a baby.


	16. Denial

"B, are you okay?" Serena Van der Woodsen asked from the chair at her vanity the following morning, "You've been off since you got here last night. B?!?" Blair snapped out of her thinking induced coma. She had been lying on Serena's bed, completely immersed in her thoughts.

"Yea?" She snapped. Serena shook back at the tone of her question.

"What's wrong Blair? You are eating right?" She worried. Blair nodded and flipped to look at her concerned confidant.

"Of course, I'm just thinking about Chuck is all." Serena moved over to her friend and began to rub her back.

"I know you miss him B. Maybe you should call him, It's not really his fault that this girl just showed up. You know he probably didn't even know what was going on. He probably needs you right now more than he has before. Ju—"

"No Serena," She interrupted, "He couldn't wait for me. If he loved me he wouldn't have been with anyone else. He had to go screw around with some skank though, and that in itself if unforgivable. Not to mention the lies he's told me since he got back. Like how---"

"Like how he loves you and never wants to leave your side? Blair, I've never seen him act like this. He told and EMT he was your _husband _so he could be with you when he thought he was going to lose you. Blair he is so in love with you it is ridiculous. Let this one go. It's going to be hard, yes, with a baby and all, but I know you guys will get past it."

"Serena you just don't understand! You—"Blair could feel it in her throat. That disgustingly familiar lump. She jumped to her feet and held her hand to her throat.

"Blair?" Serena questioned anxiously.

"Excuse me," Blair whispered quietly as she ran to the restroom.

Blair barely made it all the way into the bathroom before the contents of her stomach found their way into the porcelain toilet bowl. Serena ran in behind her and grabbed Blair's hair from her delicate girlish hands. She coughed and choked for a moment before flushing the toilet and spinning around to see Serena's shocked expression.

"Blair, I thought you had stopped doing this." She stated. There was no more she could say than that. Serena simply could not find the words to describe the anger, the concern, and the disappointment she had in her best friend at this point.

"I had. I was getting better. I just can't help it anymore." She lied. Blair knew that she had stopped purging her every meal. She knew it but was afraid to face the real factor behind her hurling. She wasn't going to admit it to Serena or anyone for that matter. It was better for them to just think that she was going back to her bulimic self.

"Blair! What the hell—"

"Serena stop it! I am fine! You need to stop worrying about me because I am trying. Now if you will excuse me, I think it is time for me to go home because I am not feeling well." And with that Blair Waldorf turned out of the room and left for her bed back at home.

Chuck sat next to his mommy to be in his family doctor's office. He was scared out of his mind. This was it. The beginning of the rest of his life. He was going to have a child. Another life he was going to have to take care of. Hell, he could barely take care of himself. How was he supposed to take care of a child? Nina turned and smiled at him and attempted to reach for his hand from the uncomfortable office chair next to him, but he pulled away. She was not Blair. Holding her hand would be like holding the lit end of a torch—Agony no man wants to go through.

The doctor entered and took a seat behind the desk in front of the disheveled couple. Chuck squinted to see him. IT was becoming harder and harder as the joint he had smoked outside was making the posters of female anatomy and babies in the womb spin around him.

"Well I have good news or bad news, depending on how you feel." The doctor stated strongly from his chair. Chuck nodded as Nina shook anxiously in her seat.

"Well Ms…uh…Nina, it seems that you are in fact _not _pregnant." He finished. Chuck's mouth dropped and Nina turned to him in horror.

_How could she lie to me like that? The little Whore._

"I'll leave you two alone," The doctor said, seeing their expressions, and left the room. Nina turned to Chuck trying to cover her own lies.

"Chuck, I'm sorry. I really thought I was I—"

"Get out."Chuck seethed.

"Chuck I—"

"Get out!!" He screamed. He stood up and towered over her , scaring her half to death. "You may have cost me the most important thing in my life with your lies so get the hell out. I never want to see your slutty presence in this town again." Chuck walked out, knowing he had scared her too much for her to move. He left the building without a word and got into his limo that was waiting.

"Winston, take me to Blair's."

Blair sat on the floor of her bathroom after another pregnancy induced vomiting session. Tears streamed down her face as she thought of how badly she had screwed up her life.

_God, Waldorf. Way to go. There go all of your hopes and dreams. You just threw away your future. He is going to hate you for this. He is going to hate you. _

Blair cried into her hands and told herself that her situation was all in her head. She wasn't going to give anything up for this mistake. Just as she thought this was all beginning to go away, the bathroom door opened with a creak.

"Blair?" She looked up from her tear-filled hands and saw a very angry, very distraught Chuck standing in the doorway of her bathroom. "You didn't?" He wondered as he saw her position. This was the same place he had found her in their freshman year. That's when he'd started to suspect she'd had a problem.

"_Blair, are you okay?" he'd asked to the pale, broken down figure inside of the bathroom stall. He could hear her struggling just to stand. He felt her pain with her. Something wasn't right. It wasn't her just being sick from an illness. He felt it was much more than that. She emerged from the stall deathly pale. He took her icy cold hand to help stabilize her as she walked to the sink. "I'm fine," she mumbled, "I just ate too much." He knew she was lying. But he knew Blair, as long as she denied a problem, it didn't exist. That's how she and Nate had lasted this long. In good old Blair fashion, she straightened her skirt and walked out of the room without a word, leaving him behind just to wonder if it had been real or if it was all in his imagination._

Once again, she answered with that sullen reply "I'm fine, I just ate too much." She gathered herself and pulled herself off of the floor.

"What are you doing here?" She snapped. He looked at the floor and replied "Nina lied. She isn't pregnant."

"Well that's nice," Blair pushed past him and went to sit at her vanity. She began brushing her hair out, ignoring her problem and avoiding telling Chuck all about it.

"Blair I'm sorry. You know it's all for the better that Nina isn't pregnant. I don't want a baby, not right now at least. Can you imagine how that would have screwed up my entire future right now? Now I can just focus on you and how I can get you back, get us back to where we were." Chuck reached for her hand but she erratically pulled away.

"Chuck, I think you should go," she whispered. Tears fell down her cheeks. Chuck didn't understand; He thought this would all just go away.

"But, Blair--" She turned away from him and pointed at the door.

"Just go Chuck!"She screamed. He nodded at her and left her room silently. She couldn't deny it anymore. There was no way she could make herself believe otherwise. She was pregnant with Chuck Bass's baby. A baby she was sure he didn't want.


	17. Certainty

_This is going to ruin her life. The woman sat at the desk in front of her and stared intensely at the young pair of brown eyes in front of her. This girl was still a baby; she had her whole life ahead of her. Sure, being the daughter of old Manhattan money would ease the stress a bit; make her life easier with nannies or expensive daycares, but that still didn't mean that this entire experience would not be hard on a still fresh-faced girl of seventeen. She saw the fear in her round brunette eyes and sighed before she confirmed the new she was sure the teen was terrified to hear."Why Miss Waldorf, you are, in fact, pregnant."_

Blair sat at the edge of her freshly made bed and stared at the three forms that she held in her thin hands. The first was the payment slip from her Ob/Gyn. She had visited her gynecologist yesterday who had confirmed her unplanned pregnancy. The doctor had looked just as scared for her as she was for herself. When she'd left the office, she could feel her doctor's sympathy burning into the back of her skull. That was not what she'd needed.

The second sheet of paper was the list of her options that the doctor had given her. She had stared at this paper intently for hours after she had gotten home. The three categories that glared back at her from the pearly white paper taunted her, toyed with her for what seemed like days. This would be the hardest decision she would ever have to make.

_Adoption: Adoption can be very simple and fulfilling for both the birth parents and the adoptive parents. This option is for the unfit parents who would wish to have their child sent off to a better home. There are two types of adoption: Open and Closed. In an open adoption, the parent's rights are signed away, but the birth parents can choose to be in constant contact with the adoptive parents to know how their child is doing, but in a closed adoption, the parents receive no updates on their child. For adoption information, call the Manhattan Adoption Agency._

Adoption . Oh no. Blair knew if she ever had a child that she could never be away from it. Knowing that somewhere out there, there was a child out there with her DNA, she couldn't watch as another couple took care of that little piece of her.

_Keeping your child: Keeping your child can be one of the hardest or most fulfilling things you can possibly do as a mother. Please see the above and below options if you are not 100% sure that you can take care of your soon to be child._

_Abortion: Abortion is the removal of the fetus from the mother's womb. This procedure is quick and easy and can only be performed within the first three weeks of pregnancy. Please call the Manhattan's Women's Clinic to set up an appointment. _

Blair sighed and threw the papers down on her bed and gathered her coat and purse from her vanity. She flipped on her coat and then pulled her phone out of her purse and threw it next to the papers. She didn't want anyone to call her through the rest of her day. This was going to be the hardest thing she would ever have to do. Blair turned to look at her room and glanced down th those papers before leaving her room and heading out onto the streets of New York City.

"Blair?" Serena walked into Blair's bedroom about twenty minutes after Blair had left. She scanned the empty room searching for her friend and saw nothing. She peered into her bathroom and saw nothing. Turning around back into Blair's empty bedroom, she knocked over the trash bin by her vanity.

"Shit," she said, bending down to pick up everything that had toppled out of the bin. She picked up Kleenex after Kleenex and candy wrapper after candy wrapper before picking up a wad of Kleenex that unraveled as soon as she picked it up, letting a stray object roll onto the floor. Serena reached over to pick up the object but gasped as soon as she realized what it was.

"Oh. My. God." She whispered. "Blair?!?!" She took another glance at the positive pregnancy test that she held in her hand. There was no way right? She discarded the test and stood up, frantically searching for her friend. She glanced over at the bed and saw Blair's cell phone next to a disheveled stack of papers. She picked up her phone and the papers that sat next to it.

Just looking at the paperwork it was obvious that her dear oldest friend was indeed with child. She saw the gynecologist slip and the list of options, but when she got to the last paper her jaw dropped. She flipped them back onto the bed and pulled out her cell phone.

Chuck woke up to the ringing of his cell phone that afternoon. He still reeked of scotch from drinking his way to sleep for another night. Blair's rejection had been hard on him, and it still showed. The name 'SERENA' flashed on his cell phone's screen before he flipped it open.

"What do you want Serena? You know some people actually like to sleep." He grunted. He rolled over and placed a pillow over his head to block the light out as his hangover echoed in between his eyes.

"Chuck, we have a problem!" Serena yelled. She had made her way out of the apartment Blair shared with her mother and out onto the streets of Manhattan.

Chuck immediately sat up in his bed making his head spin. "What is it S? Is it Blair? What's wrong?" He panicked.

"Chuck she's pregnant." Serena said as she climbed into a cab.

"Wait—What?" Oh my god. He couldn't believe it.

"Blair is pregnant. And she's heading to the Women's Clinic downtown for an abortion right now." Chuck climbed out of bed and sped to throw on his shirt.

"I have to stop her." And just like that Chuck Bass toyed with the idea of being a father. He had always told himself that he would want Blair to have his child and he did. He didn't know how it would play out with the both of them being so young, but right now it didn't matter. He was not going to let Blair throw this away.

"Well then you have ten minutes to get to the clinic." She said. Chuck flipped his phone shut and climbed into his limo ordering the driver to take him to the clinic as fast as he could.

_This was all my fault. I told her that I never wanted a child. That's why she made me leave. I can't believe that I've done this to her. I want this baby. This is nothing like Nina, I love her._

Chuck's limo came into a screeching halt in front of the clinic. He stormed out of the limo and into the facility. He scanned the room and Blair was nowhere in sight. He walked over to the receptionist and decided to question her.

"Excuse me, Do you know where Blair Waldorf is?" he asked impatiently. She flipped through some pages that sat on the desk in front of her and nodded.

"Yes, I'm afraid she is in an exam room right now, but you can sit and wait for her if you like." Chuck stood there in shock before he decided to sit down. He fought back his tears as the realization of what happened hit him. He was too late. Blair had disposed of their child. She had gone through with the procedure.

Suddenly Blair walked out of the exam room with tears in her eyes. She wiped them away as she headed for the front door, but stopped when she saw Chuck sitting there in the waiting room, obviously waiting for her. He looked up and saw how miserable she was.

_She must've been so scared. How could I not be there for her?_

He stood up and just looked at her. This was the woman who he was supposed to have a family with. This was the woman who he wanted to bare his children. This was the woman who had just been rid of their child.


	18. Renewal

A/N: Thank you all for the great reviews! Please keep leaving them because they help me with what I have to work on. This chapter is my baby. I have been building this moment in my head since I have plotted this story out. It may be short but it is sweet and the epitome of what I believe this couple is. I wanted this to be purely this moment and nothing else. Don't worry there will be more building off of this later. This is my favorite chapter that I have written and I just want to share that with all of you. Thank you.

____________________

Chuck and Blair stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Both let the tears stream down their faces as they hoped the other would understand their respective actions. They both knew they had messed up, that they had said and done a lot of things that had hurt their significant others. The drama had unfolded and left nothing but a mess for them to clean up.

_There is no one else I'd rather share a messy, horrible, dysfunctional relationship because it could be beautiful Chuck. We could be beautiful. _

Her words ran through his head like a theater marquee. She had said this to him no more than two and a half weeks ago, and she had meant it. From where he stood, he knew they were a disaster, but a beautiful disaster. There is nothing he wouldn't do for this girl, despite what she had just done. She had just been rid of a child neither of them knew they wanted and he couldn't make himself love her any less for it even if he wanted to. She was his Blair. For better or for worse. She couldn't escape from him.

Chuck ran across the room to Blair and lifted her into his welcoming embrace. Both broke down knowing what they were losing—what they had lost. He wrapped his arms tightly around her back and she repeated his motion. They just sat there lost in the feeling, folded into each other's grasps for what seemed like an eternity. Their minds raced with so many things they wished to say, but they knew there were no words that could change anything that had happen. There was a silent agreement to keep quiet and let go of what they could not change. They let go of all of their fears and withdrawals and clung to each other like this was the last day they would ever share together.

Chuck lifted his hand to Blair's chin and pulled her face up to his view. Their tear stained faces allowed for a hushed apology for one another before he pulled her into a loving, warm kiss. Their lips grazed together and then quickly disbanded. Foreheads and noses touching, they gazed at each other in complete understanding of the other's actions. For the first time, no words were necessary. The past had been flushed away into oblivion and here and now began a new chapter of Chuck and Blair.

Blair pursed her lips and closed her eyes so her eyelashes faintly tickled his eyelids. She sighed a long "I'm sorry" before being hushed by another gentle kiss. He shook his head as if to say "Don't say anything." He pulled her in closer and laid his head n her shoulder. He never wanted to leave this place again. Right here in her arms was where he was meant to be. This was his home. She turned her head and placed a gentle kiss on his ear before whispering into his ear.

"I couldn't do it."

Chuck slowly pulled his head off of her shoulder and stared her in the eye. She let out a soft smile as his eyes questioned her.

"What does that mean?" She pulled him into a kiss and back to where their foreheads and noses were pressed against each other yet again. Letting out a small laugh, more tiny tears let themselves fall out of the corners of her eyes as he tried to force the answer to his question out of her with just a look. She was in disbelief of what she was about to tell him. The words couldn't find their way out of her mouth. He urged her with the simple raising of his eyebrows before it just fell out of her.

She couldn't hold it in any longer. She hadn't expected to see him here. Maybe, just maybe, it was a sign that she had made the right decision. Maybe she wasn't so wrong to give up on the dream she thought she had let go of when he had left. Maybe this is how it was all meant to be. Blair Waldorf never once had left things up to fate, but she was glad she had this time.

"It means we are having a baby, Chuck. You and I are having a baby."


	19. Relief

"_It means we are having a baby, Chuck. You and I are having a baby."_

Blair awaited his reaction hoping it would be the one she had only dreamed about. But she knew that there was the possibility of her dream being crushed for the second time. Would he hate her? Would he run out? Blair pulled back from him by only a step and looked for any sign of a reaction. He was standing there; blank as could possibly be, quite obviously soaking in all the information. She knew it was a lot to take in, but if he hadn't wanted this, he wouldn't have come for her, right?

Chuck stared at his true mother-to-be in shock…and awe. He knew that he wasn't exactly ready to be a father at this age. He understood all the responsibility and the hard work that a child would bring. He was aware that this would turn his life upside down, but for some reason he didn't care at all. He was standing in front of Blair, the most beautiful woman in the world, to him. He had admitted himself that this was the only woman he could ever see carrying his child, so what was there to be mad about? Sure, the timing could have been better, but there was nothing that could have made him not want this child.

"Chuck?" Blair said, pushing him out of his trance. He looked up from her stomach, which he could swear was already swelling, to her gorgeous face, in which he could swear he saw a glow. A smile spread across his face and the action repeated upon hers. He pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her forehead as she nuzzled her head into his chest.

"Blair, I love you," Chuck whispered as he took a subtle whiff of her hair. He squeezed her tighter before she pulled back from him. She smiled at him and pushed a stray piece of hair off of his forehead.

"This is going to be hard." she stated matter-of factly. He took hold of her hands in his own and held them up to his chest.

"I promise you, Blair that we are going to be okay. There is nothing that can take me from you, and this is what I want. There is no one else I would rather have bearing my child. If I am going to have children I want them to be a little Chuck and a little Blair. You are my everything. This is going to be hard but we can do it. We are Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck, and we are made for this crazy, beautiful mess of a relationship. This crazy beautiful mess of a family." He placed his hand gently on her stomach as the tears rebuilt in her eyes. This time he didn't mind the tears, for he knew they were tears of happiness. He knew he had made this girl's dreams come true with a single speech. She grazed his square jaw with her thumb before pulling him into a kiss.

"I love you Chuck Bass," she whispered as she pulled away. He smiled lightly and kissed the tip of her nose.

"And I love you Blair Waldorf." They smiled at each other and leaned in for a kiss that was interrupted by a shrieking Serena bursting through the front doors of the clinic.

"BLAIR!!!" she screamed, scaring the hell out of the rest of the women in the office. Blair and Chuck looked to the front door in a panic. Serena came running up to them with anxiety written all over her face.

"Oh my god Blair I came as soon—Did you? What happened?" She bent down and put her hands on her knees in an attempt to catch her breath "My god, I had to run four blocks here, my cab driver was a perv. Are you okay?"

Chuck let out a chuckle at her exhaustion and Blair smiled. Her friend had been concerned for her and her child's well being. Ah, she knew Serena would be a good aunt one day. Serena looked up at them in irritation, seeing the joy radiating between them.

"Would someone _please _just tell me what is going on?" Serena begged, running out of breath. Blair and Chuck looked to each other and almost got lost in the other's eyes before realizing Serena was still there. She shot the couple the evil eye as she regained her strength. She pulled herself up to her full height and stared down at the seemingly short couple. Blair knew she would have to tell her eventually.

"Well, Serena, If you must know, Chuck and I will be welcoming a child into the world come October." Chuck had already covered his ears in anticipation of the inevitable shriek that left Serena's lungs. She pulled Blair into a hug and squeezed her tight.

"Oh wow, B, Congrats!" she turned to Chuck and gave him a pat on the shoulder "And to you brother."

"Don't call me that Serena," he joked slyly, "It will just make it weird when our kid asks why I look at my sister in _that way" _ Blair smacked the back of his head at this comment, but Serena just laughed.

"I'm going to be an aunt!" she giggled happily. Blair looked at Chuck and down at her stomach. He placed his hand on her abdomen and then pulled her hand in with his.

He looked at her and tenderly kissed her forehead and replied:

"And we are going to be a family."


	20. Anxiety

A/N: Ahhh! What happened to my reviewers? I woke up yesterday and had around thirteen e-mails with reviews on Chapter 18 and this morning I only had two for Chapter 19. You guys keep me going so please review! I need your honest opinions. Thanks.

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Blair awoke back in suite 1812 at the Palace Hotel. Chucks arms draped around her, one hand on her waist, the other on her stomach, as he slept. She smiled at the sleeping boy with his head placed gently on her shoulder. She folded her hand into his sleeping one and attempted to drift back to sleep until her phone vibrated quietly on the nightstand next to her. She let out a quiet sigh before softly reaching for her phone, trying not to wake up her man. Once she had achieved that goal, she flipped open her phone, her jaw dropping at the first message she saw.

_Spotted: B heading into the Manhattan's women's clinic yesterday …and then leaving with C and a smile. Did she take care of the supposed problem or come fall will there be another Bass in this pond we call home? You know you love me. Xoxo-GG_

Blair flipped to her inbox and saw the next message blinking at her. She already knew what was coming her way. Serena's named blinked in her inbox. She grimaced at the thought of what she had to say.

_Blair I think you need to go home. Eleanor was just here looking for you. She knows_

Blair flipped her phone shut and threw it onto the floor next to the bed. She began to poke and prod at her lover who laid peacefully asleep still.

"Chuck!" she hissed inaudibly "Chuck, wake up!" She poked at his shoulders before he began to stir. He let out a loud groan before rolling over, twitching at the light hitting his face. He rubbed his eyes and rolled over to take a look at the alarm clock.

"Ugh, Blair its seven thirty, come back to bed, until, say, noon." He began to roll back over and underneath his pillow before she began to jab at him once again.

"Chuck, everyone knows." She whimpered.

"Knows what?" He asked, oblivious to anything that had happened over the past twenty-four hours.

"Know I'm pregnant you idiot!" He rolled over at her annoyed voice and rubbed his eyes once again.

"But….How?" he questioned sleepily. She rolled over and grabbed her phone off the floor and flipped to the text message from Gossip Girl. He took the phone from her and squinted to read it in his drowsy state. "Oh…well shit."

"Yea and I have even better news," she snapped sarcastically. He raised his eyebrows in obviously faked intrigue. "Eleanor knows. I'm going to have to talk to her and Cyrus at some point today." He nodded in agreement with her choice, obviously still tired.

"Well, if you want me there I will go. It's my child too." She patted the top of his head and rubbed his cheek.

"No, darling you stay here and sleep. I think it's best if I do this on my own. I'll just go now." She kissed the top of his head before attempting to make her way to the bathroom.

"Are you sure?" He asked, sitting up to let her know he was awake. She nodded and proceeded to the bathroom to get ready.

____________________________________________________________________________________

_Ding, Ding_

The elevator sounded as Blair awaited, floor after floor, the return to her home. Part of her was nervous about how this meeting with her mother would go, but part of her was satisfied. Her mother had never accepted her, she was never good enough. Now, though, she had something to rub in her mother's face. She had never done anything bad in her life. She had never done anything that she didn't think that, in one way or another, would please her mother to an extent. This was the time to officially let her down.

The elevator doors opened. Blair gathered her poise and walked out of the box and into her home.

"Hello Blair." Blair stopped in her tracks as she saw her mother sitting on the sofa awaiting her return. She walked into the room and stood in front of her mother.

"Mother," She stated blankly.

"Funny, I should be saying that to you," Her mother motioned for her to sit down on the paisley printed chaise-lounge in front of her and she did. Blair placed her hands in her lap after she set her Marc Jacobs clutch on the floor beside her.

"So, mother what can I possibly do for you?" she remarked mockingly. Her mother huffed before standing up to lecture her pregnant daughter.

"Blair, I'm not really sure what kind of shenanigans you have gotten yourself into at this point, but know I am not pleased—"

"You never are" Blair muttered. Her mother shook off the comment and continued.

"Having a child is no laughing matter young lady. This is not the act of a Waldorf. A Waldorf would keep herself under control in any situation, and you _obviously _have not been kept under control. What happened Blair? Why couldn't you be more contained like Serena?" Blair's face grew red at this comment. Her mother had always wanted her to be pretty like Serena, contained like Serena, built like Serena, and energetic like Serena. Serena was the epitome of what a daughter should be to her mother. Never getting less than an "A", never coming home drunk or high off her ass, and never staying out past curfew was obviously not enough for her. Sure, there had been bumps in the road, but never had she done anything that was unforgivable.

"You want me to be like Serena?" she grew enraged, "You want me to drink myself into a coma like she nearly did? You want me to sleep with every man under thirty-five on the Upper East Side, like she did do? Do you want me to snort lines of cocaine off pocket mirrors in the middle of Home Ec. Like she once did? You always tell me you wanted me to be like Serena, but she has done far worse things than I have _ever_ done to you."

"At least she has respect for her mother!" Her mom huffed "And as for this baby I think it would be best if you give it up like you had obviously originally planned. It would be the best for the reputation of this family."

"No mother, you mean for your reputation. You just don't want to be known as the mother of a hussy right? " Blair could feel the tears forming in her eyes.

"Well, as long as you are having a child, you will not live under my roof Blair. I will not reward you for your mistakes. I will not house a slut in my home." With that Blair grabbed her bag and headed for the elevator. She pushed the "Down" button and awaited the arrival of her escape route. As the doors to the elevator pushed open she turned and looked to her mother for one last time.

"I've never been good enough for you mother, why couldn't you just love me?"

And with that Blair stepped into the elevator and out of her mother's life.


	21. Distress

A/N: Hey guys! Updates are going to be less frequent because I landed a lead in my school musical!! I'm super excited. Wish me luck! I do intend to finish out this story while it is going on though. Thought I'd give you the heads up. Keep reviewing please! I want to know (honestly) how I'm doing with all of this. Thanks for the support.

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_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

Chuck looked up at the door from the inside of 1812, listening to someone viciously pound on it. He stared at it like he was hoping it would open itself until the pounding repeated one more time. Setting down his afternoon scotch, he rose to his feet and walked to the door only for the pounding to echo through the room one last time.

"My god, I'm coming!" He yelled at the door. He yanked it open to reveal a sobbing Blair on the other side. Her mascara had run down her cheeks and her hair had become undone and disheveled from the perfect up-do she had created this morning. She looked down at the floor as if she was afraid to look up at him, like she was ashamed.

"She told me to not come back." She whispered as he took her hand and led her into his suite. Blair piled herself on the leather couch and Chuck sat down beside her.

"What do you mean?" He questioned as he brushed a piece of hair off of her face.

"She said as long as I am having this baby, I am no longer welcome in her home." She pulled him into her and buried her face into his chest, crying lightly. He stroked the back of her hair and her back

"Well then you won't go back, stay here with me." She looked up at him in confusion.

"You really want me to stay here with you?" she inquired, suspicious of an ulterior motive. He nodded and shot her the infamous Chuck Bass smirk.

"Well….yea. You are having my child, so I was going to ask you anyway." He took her hand and placed it on the sofa between the two of them. She looked at him in shock. She had not expected this today. She hadn't actually expected this at all from Chuck Bass, who was notorious for not letting a girl even stay the night. But, then, he had said he loved her. Another thing she had never expected to hear from him.

"Are you sure?" She asked. She raised her eyebrows at him, hinting to him to only tell her the truth. He, again, nodded.

"I'm positive." He confirmed. He stared into her eyes so she would know that there was no going back on this. It was just the two of them. She smiled slightly and leaned into kiss him.

"Wow. Well…okay." She smiled as she pulled away, "Let's worry more about this tomorrow, after we get past our first day back to school." His smile turned upside down as the news entered his mind. That was not going to be a day to look forward to, especially with everyone hearing about Blair's condition.

"Um, Blair, Are you sure you want to go tomorrow?" He asked. She pursed her lips as if she was thinking but spat out an answer immediately.

"I'm going to have to see everyone sooner or later, so yes. I want to go." Chuck knew there was no arguing. There was no point to try to see her out of what she knew could be war.

___________________________________

_Is the Queen B showing up to Constance to face her demons….and her bun in the oven? I hear she is in en route! Keep us posted on all the drama. Xoxo~GG_

Chuck and Blair both looked down at their cell phones, reading the Gossip Girl message that signaled the dark cloud looming over their day as they pulled up to Constance Billiard. Blair stared out the window of Chuck's limousine intently at all of the other girls in their freshly ironed uniforms. Chuck watched her watching everyone and knew today would be especially hard for her. Everyone knew and that would be the one thing they could throw back in her face. He took her hand and she looked back to him.

"I'm nervous." She whispered. Chuck squeezed her hand and kissed her forehead.

"Don't be, I'll walk you to all of your classes and make sure you are okay." She smiled at his effort to brighten the future her inevitably bad day. She took a long, deep breath and opened the door of the limousine, stepping out and gathering all of the poise she could muster up. People immediately turned to look as Chuck repeated her action. They both stood in front of the open door to the limo, staring back at all of the eyes that were staring at them. He took Blair's hand into his own and began to lead her through the crowd. Blair Waldorf had was never led anywhere, of course, before now, she never had had to.

"_Oh my god you can totally tell."_

"_I heard it's not even his baby."_

"_What a slut"_

"_Who ever thought she'd be stupid enough to get knocked up."_

"_I bet you she's faking it for attention."_

They pushed through the crowds of gawkers and gossips and almost made it to the front doors of the school before running into one of Blair's minions , Penelope.

"Wow B. You don't even look like your preggo. What's the secret mommy?" She snapped rudely as she sipped her iced coffee. She stood directly in the couple's way so they could not get through, but Chuck pushed past her and pulled Blair along behind him.

"Just ignore her. She doesn't know what she is talking about." He whispered as they walked through the front doors. He took her to the door of her first class where they met Serena before kissing her and heading off to his own.

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Blair had successfully made it to lunch with only slight whispers in her direction. Serena and Chuck were sure to always be with her to prevent any wrongdoings. She had been fine all day, what she thought was going to happen, was just an idea in her head.

Blair and Serena met lunch at the steps for lunch. They were sure to sit far away from Blair's former minions, but that didn't stop a certain one named Penelope from stopping by for a tiff. Just in the middle of a conversation about Nate and Vanessa's new relationship, Penelope stood over the group. They all looked up to her just as she "accidentally" poured an entire latte into Blair's lap.

"Oops…Sorry B, Hope I didn't ruin your maternity wear." She laughed as she returned to the laughing hyenas Blair once acquainted herself with. Serena stood up and attempted to chase her down before Chuck pulled her back. Blair stood up with tears in her eyes and stopped the two from causing an even bigger scene.

"Blair, honey I'm sorry you know she is just being a bitch because she can't get any," Serena attempted to cheer her up. Chuck pulled out his phone and walked a few steps away for a moment and returned with a gleam in his eye.

"Don't worry about it, as of tomorrow morning, she is expelled from Constance. I got it taken care of." He turned to Blair who just rolled her wet eyes. She knew she couldn't change his mind. He was only trying to protect her. She pushed her way into Chuck's arms and Serena wrapped her arms around Blair's back, pulling the three into a giant bear hug.

"Hey, I was going to wait until after school, but I can see you need an escape, so I have a surprise for you." Chuck whispered. Blair looked up at him curiously.

"What is it?" She questioned. Serena gazed at him intently while waiting for a response to Blair's question.

"It's a surprise," He winked at her and said "Bring Serena along, she'll want to see this too," before pulling the two of them along, back to his awaiting limo. How he always had everything set up at the perfect time, they would never know.


	22. Surprise

"We are here."

Chuck's limo pulled up in front of a large grey building. Blair and Serena looked out the window at the plain building and back at Chuck in confusion.

"I don't understand." Blair said staring at him. He chuckled and pushed them out of the limo.

"You will soon." As soon as they stepped out of the limo, Chuck swiftly pulled two black blindfolds out of his pocket and began to tie one around Blair's eyes.

"Hey, What the—"She tried to struggle out of his grip but he tied the handkerchief around her eyes before she could stop him.

"Oh, Chuck, this better not be some weird, twisted, girlfriend/best friend threesome fantasy you are trying to play out." Serena whined as he blindfolded her as well. He laughed again as he took both of their hands.

"Only in your dreams sis." He whispered slyly, "Just don't let go of my hands girlies. Well be there soon enough. He pulled them slowly through the front doors of the large building and then into the elevator that was just ahead. Blair jumped as the elevator started up, causing a silent laugh in both Serena and Chuck.

Blair felt the elevator rising beneath her as the familiar ding of changing floors echoed in the small cabin. She had always hated elevators. She had always feared, since she was a little girl, that it would just malfunction and she would plummet the sixty some floors to the basement and be crushed in the fall. The elevator came to halt, making her jump once more. The sound of the doors opening let Blair release a sigh of relief. Chuck pulled the girls out of the elevator and into a room.

"Okay girls, Take off your blindfolds." He whispered. Serena and Blair removed their blindfolds to see the most exquisite living room they had ever laid eyes on. The floors were white marble and there were two white columns that stretched up to the high ceiling. The wall opposite them had floor to ceiling windows that revealed a magnificent view that overlooked Central Park. Blair gasped.

"Oh. My. God." Serena had already walked away, her curiosity getting the better of her. Blair covered her mouth with her hands and looked all around the grand living room. It was already furnished with all of the luxurious furniture she had pointed out to Serena once when they were window shopping.

"You like?" He said curiously.

"When did you—how did you---What is going on?" She was in awe of this glorious apartment and he knew it.

"Well I figured with you wanting to stay with me and a baby on the way, I thought we might need a bigger place than the Palace." She turned and stared at him in shock. He was trying to take care of her, of them. She ran over to him and jumped into his embrace. He lifted her off the floor and spun her around.

"Chuck, I don't even know what to say. It's beautiful." She whispered in his ear. He set her back down on the floor and gazed into her eyes.

"You don't have to say anything," He kissed her and took her hand, "Come on I have two more surprises for you." He pulled her hand and led her up the grand staircase that was against the far left wall. He pulled her down the hallway and stopped in front of just a regular door. When he opened it,she didn't know whether it was the hormones or what was behind the door, but tears began to stream down her face. Her entire bedroom was behind this door. Her bed, her vanity, her nightstands, her clothes filled the walk-in-closet opposite them.

"Chuck," She whimpered, entering the room," How did you do this?" She turned and gawked at him.

"I'm Chuck Bass," he replied stepping over to her," I can do anything." He smiled as she noticed a spare door on the right.

"What's in here?" She asked curiously. He motioned for her to open the door and she complied. She gasped once again as the surprise behind the door stared her in the face. A beautiful nursery had hidden itself behind the small door. It was painted in baby yellows and greens and had small ducks all over the walls. There was a crib and changing station and rocking chair for when baby was there. But that was not what interested Blair the most. Above the crib on the wall, there was a blown-up framed photo of Chuck and Blair, kissing each other on the leather sofa in the Palace suite. Blair went over and barely touched her fingers to the photo before the tears streamed out of her eyes. She looked back at him and hugged him once more. He kissed her forehead as she whispered a faint "Thank you." He stroked her hair, knowing what he had done for her. He had made that little girl's dreams come true. He had given her the real home and the real family she had always strived for. He kissed her once more before whispering back to her:

"Welcome home."


	23. Confession

A/N: Sorry guys told you I'd be busy with my musical starting up. I have the story mapped out and I think someone might die! We'll find out I guess. Keep reviewing!

"Chuck where are we going?" Serena asked. It had been two weeks since Blair had found out about the ritzy fifth avenue apartment and they settled into it. Serena had never seen her friend happier in her entire life. She didn't know whether it was the pregnancy or her happiness that was giving her a constant glow. Whatever it was, she liked it. Blair no longer cared about the girls at school or her mother and the only time she was sick was when it was baby-induced. She was living out the beginning of her fairytale and couldn't be happier. Now, however, Serena had been kidnapped and shoved into the backseat of Chuck's infamous limousine with no idea what they were doing.

"Chuck, again, where are we going?" She pried. Chuck sighed in annoyance. She had been asking him the same question every block for the last twenty blocks it seemed, and the classic New York traffic wasn't helping anything. He was growing impatient and tired of Serena's presence with every passing street corner, but he had to keep her here. He need her help.

"Again, S, I just need your help with something," He whispered bluntly. He watched nervously as the pedestrians waltzed by his limo without a care. He watched as they interacted and went off to their separate destinations. His eye focused in on a young, beautiful couple holding hands and sipping coffee on a bench on the corner. They were laughing and holding hands and just enjoying being in each other's presence. He and Blair had been that way for nearly a month now. There had been no more drama, no more tears (except the good ones of course) and no more fighting. They had been happy just to lay in each other's arms, they didn't need anything more. He watched the couple as they carried on their conversation and the woman laughed intensely at something the man had said. He wanted to be like that forever. He never wanted to lose the happiness he had found with his girl.

The car passed by building after building and street after street. Chuck and Serena stared out their separate windows, watching the crowds go by before the limousine came to a halt in front of a building that was familiar to Serena. She glanced from Chuck to the building and back to Chuck.

"What are we doing here?" she asked him curiously. He smirked.

"I was hoping you could help me pick out a certain gift for our favorite mother to be," he said mysteriously. The way he wasn't answering her was driving her nuts. She had just wanted a blunt answer.

"What kind of gift?" She questioned. She looked up at the building. It was Tiffany's. Blair's favorite for obvious reasons. She thought about it for a moment and then came to a realization that should've been clear to her from the very beginning. "Chuck? No!" The gleam in her eyes let him know that she knew exactly why she was sitting in front of Blair's favorite jewelry store.

"I think you know Serena," He laughed. She smiled at him and looked up at the store in disbelief.

"Are you really going to do this? Think about it first." He stopped her by covering her mouth with his own hand.

"Serena, trust me, I've thought about it long and hard. Blair is perfect for me and I've known this was going to happen for the longest time. And, no, it's not just because she is pregnant or because it's her dream. I'm doing this because it is what I want and I think it is the best thing to do right now." Serena raised her eyebrows at him questionably.

"So what does this mean?" He huffed knowing she already knew the right answer to her question.

"It means Serena, that in three days, on Valentine's Day, I am going to ask our friend Blair Waldorf to be my bride. And I need you to help me choose a ring." Before anymore words could be spoken, Serena had left Chuck in the dust, getting out of the limo and running into the store. Chuck repeated her actions and followed her into Tiffany's so he could pick the ring he would ask his Blair to spend the rest of their lives together with.


	24. Doubt

Blair Waldorf opened her eyes to the window and immediately saw the foggy, grey February sky looming over Central Park. She loved the view she saw when she first woke up in the morning; it was cool and calm and so unlike the energy of New York City that it awed her. She closed her eyes and took in the day.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Blair said, rolling over with her arms outstretched. What she felt made her eyes pop right open. The empty mattress was spread beneath her bare arm, no Chuck in sight. She looked around the room for him but saw only a note sitting atop the pillow he had lain upon every night.

_Not again._

Her hand stretched for the note and ,before she knew it, she was reading the words that were handwritten on the stationary.

_My Blair,_

_Happy Valentine's Day love. In true Chuck Bass style, I have a special surprise for you. Meet the driver downstairs at exactly six p.m. Don't be late. I love you._

_~C_

Blair giggled and flipped the sheets off of her nude body, running into the bathroom for a shower. She turned on the hot water and watched as the mirrors in the bathroom started to fog up. She took a glance at her body in the mirror and noticed a small bump beginning to form at the base of her abdomen. Placing her hand atop the pooch, she smiled softly and looked down to it. That was her baby. That was their baby. It was a little Waldorf-Bass awaiting to join the world in seven months time.

For the first time since discovering her pregnancy, Blair Waldorf was comfortable with the idea of having a child join the two of them.

Blair took a shower and did her hair and makeup to perfection. Her hair was curled so it framed her face so delicately and her makeup was smoky and deep, just the way Chuck liked it, with ruby red lips and charcoal eyes. When she left the bathroom, she ran to the huge closet Chuck had had built just for her. Her jaw dropped when she saw the present Chuck had left for her. A long deep red Valentino dress hung in the center of the closet. It was strapless and silk with a fitted bodice and flowy skirt with a small train. It was perfect. Blair pulled it off the hanger and slipped it over her soft skin. It fit just right. It clung in all the right places and was even fitted flawlessly around the small pooch that has sprouted seemingly overnight. She admired herself in the dress for what seemed like hours before finding a pair of blood red Manolo heels to match. Flipping open her phone, she checked the time. _5:45, that's what I get for waking up at noon. _She threw the phone into her black silk clutch and headed downstairs.

Blair stood out on the street corner outside of their fancy apartment building and sighed. 6:15 and no Chuck. She paced back and forth through the crowds of happy couples parading their love on 5th avenue. Just as she was thinking about going back inside to escape the cold, Chuck's limo pulled up to the corner. The driver got out, roses in hand, and handed the flowers to Blair as he helped her into the car. She stared out the window of the limo, holding the roses in her arms like a child, as the wonder of the city passed by. She watched building after building and couple after couple speed past her in a blur.

The limo pulled up in front of the Empire State Building which surprised Blair. She had only been here once with her father when she was just a child.

"Go up to the roof" the driver said as she hesitantly let herself out of the back of the car and onto the street corner. She saw the eyes glancing at her as she made her way into the building and into the elevator of the building. One. Two. Three. Four. The floors flew by as she grew nervous. She knew there was something big planned. He was Chuck Bass after all. He could pretty much do whatever he damn well pleased.

_Ding_

The elevator doors slid open and Chuck's face immediately appeared. She gasped when she saw what was behind him. There was a candlelit dinner for two awaiting her with roses and a string quartet in the corner. Millions of twinkle lights radiated their glow from their perches upon the building, giving the rooftop an even greater romantic appeal. The city was spread ahead of her, in one of the most beautiful views that you could find in New York. Chuck grabbed her hand without a word and pulled her over beneath an archway of white roses that she hadn't even noticed and before she could even process it, he was down on one knee.

"Blair," he started, her jaw dropping as she realized what was going on, "Ever since I first met you when we were six, I thought you were the most beautiful girl that had ever existed. You radiate beauty like no other woman could ever dream of. It wasn't until these past few years where I really started to like, and love, you. You have grown to be the most important person in my life. You have made me laugh, and made me cry. You are the only one who will ever see Chuck Bass shed tears. You were there for me even when I didn't deserve it, when I was horrible to you and for that I am sorry. You have seen me through more than I would expect any person to. You are my angel, the one that gives me hope. You are my inspiration and my heart. You are my Blair. I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you." With this, he pulled a blue Tiffany box out of his jacket pocket and revealed to her a beautiful diamond ring, set in white gold, with sapphires surrounding the diamond. She gasped again at this ring. It was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen.

"Blair Waldorf, Will you marry me?" She looked from the ring to Chuck and sighed. Her mind was racing and her heart was beating rapidly. Chuck's heart dropped as she whispered a solemn reply of " I just don't know."


	25. Love

Hey all! Thanks for all the great reviews, I've been really busy with school and the musical but I PROMISE I will update again this weekend. (Trust me, after this chapter, you will want me to lol.) If you are interested, I started a new One Tree Hill FF centered around Brooke called "Downward Spiral." Thanks for the support.

"Wh-what?" Chuck could feel the tears building up in his eyes. He had never in a million years expected her to say no, none the less "I just don't know." In his mind there was never any doubt, only yes. Until now. He got up off of his knee and looked her eye to eye, unafraid of the tears that trickled down his cheeks.

"Chuck, I don't know. This past few weeks have been going really fast. _Really really _fast. Do you think this is such a good idea?" He took a step towards her and took her hands in his own. He didn't know if he could even speak as he was still in shock from the immediate rejection. The words began to spill out of his mouth, quietly and shakily.

"Blair," he choked on his emotions as he spoke, his tears becoming more fierce, "I have never been more sure about anything. You are my one love. You are the closest to heaven that I'll ever be. I know _for a fact _that we are going to spend the rest of our lives with each other, so I would like nothing more than to be able to call you my wife." He pulled back, wiping his tears on the sleeve of his Armani tux. When she looked into his eyes, she knew that he was speaking from his heart, that he was speaking the truth. She stepped towards him and took his hands.

"Chuck, ask me again." She stated blatently.

"Blair, I—" He started solemnly.

"Chuck!" she interrupted,"Ask me again!" she urged with a slight giggle. He sighed and got down on one knee, thinking that she would say something like, "Maybe Later," or "I'll think about it."

"Blair Waldorf," he said with an almost fake happiness, "Will you marry me?" She smiled and nodded. He raised his eyebrows with intrigue.

"Yes," she laughed, "Yes Chuck, I will." He smiled and looked up at her. She grinned back as he gently slipped the ring on her dainty little finger. He stood up and took her by the waist, spinning her around off the ground, both smiling and laughing and kissing the other in joy. The skirt of her dress twisted behind the happy couple, dancing in the breeze. He set her down just as the string quartet began to play a soft waltz. He motioned his hand toward her, asking for a dance and she happily obliged. They danced and danced, holding each other and kissing in the cool winter breeze. When she shivered, he took off his coat and wrapped it around her before quickly resuming their dance. The roof was silent other than the music. It was an unspoken love that glowed around the three of them, they were going to be a family, a real family. Blair nuzzled her head into his chest as she realized that all of her dreams were coming true. She realized that she was finally going to get the family she had always wanted. The family she always deserved.

After what seemed like an eternity of just holding each other, Blair's cell phone went off in her purse. The first time, she let it ring to voice mail. The second time it rang, her and Chuck became irritated. The third time, Blair let it ring until it hit voice mail. She looked up at Chuck with apologetic eyes and broke the dance to turn her phone off. She looked down at the screen. Three voice mails. She dialed her voice mail and listened to every message. Chuck glanced at her from where he stood and watched her face drop. He became puzzled when she ran over with all of her things in hand and tears in her eyes.

"Blair, what's wrong?" He asked. She handed him his jacket and began to pull him by the hand to the elevator.

"We have to go. There's been an accident."


	26. Death

A/N: Please don't hate me after this. I never wanted it to be this character that went, but it seemed to fit the best and I liked it best this way. No one else would have made such an impact. I believe it is best for the story. Please Review. Especially this chapter. I would like to know how I did on this. This was the hardest chapter for me to write, I shed a tear or two. All reviews (Good or Bad) welcome. Thank you

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They buried him at St. John's Cemetery on March 1st.

The sky was grey and beginning to sprinkle rain as Chuck and Blair stepped out of their limousine in the cold spring morning. Not even the start of the budding on the trees or the sudden popping up of tiny flowers in the half-dead grass was enough to make this most miserable of days a bit brighter. Blair couldn't help but wonder why they even put a cemetery in this location. The entire thing was surrounded by giant buildings and important bankers and CEOs heading off to work. Then she wondered why anyone would want to work around such a depressing place. Who would want to look down from their office and witness a different funeral every week?

Chuck took hold of Blair's hand as tears formed in his eyes. The entire moment reminded him of burying his father in the same cemetery, or, well, what parts of it he could remember. The mood was the same somber mood and the faces were the same grief-stricken, zombie-like faces. Well, all except one. He squeezed Blair's hand and noticed the tears beginning to fall as the rain trickled down the delicate tip of her nose. He kissed her forehead as they joined the group of friends and family that had gathered around a tombstone in the center of the cemetery. She turned and pressed her face into the little place between his sternum and shoulder. The site of his name on that tombstone broke her heart. He was never supposed to go. Not like this. Not this way.

His death had been a shocking tragedy. He had gone into a liquor store to buy a bottle of scotch for the evening when a man came in with a gun. Attempting to rob the store, the man held the cashier at gun point while placing him on the floor in front of the counter. Once he had thought the man was not paying attention, he tried to be the hero. He lunged for the man and there was a struggle. The gun went off…twice. First, in a fight for the gun where the bullet ricocheted into the robber's abdomen. The second, when he had thought his fight was won and dropped the gun. He instructed the cashier to dial 911 before the man scooted over to the gun, losing blood, and shot him square in the spine. By the time the ambulance showed up, he had lost a significant amount of blood while the robber lie on the floor next to him, dead. He was able to speak to the EMTs, however. He was able to tell them his name and everything. He was able to tell them he couldn't feel anything below his waist.

They transported him to the hospital for emergency surgery to remove the bullet lodged between two vertebrae. Seven hours of waiting and waiting caused the friends and family waiting to go crazy. They anticipated the worst, which was for the best. The worst was yet to come. The doctors announced an hour later the surgery had failed and he had slipped peacefully into a coma. There was nothing more they could do but wait. If he did wake up he would be paralyzed from the waist down for life, but the chances of him ever opening his eyes again were slim to none. There was too much damage and too much blood loss. One chance meeting had changed the lives of the individuals in the waiting room.

Blair and Chuck were their holding his hands and grooming him every day from that point. They talked to him and laughed and told him stories in order to hide the pain of seeing him lying there without any way to help him. They were there to wash his face and comb his hair. They were there when he needed a shave. They were there when they would change out his IVs or the tubes they had slid down his throat to help him breathe. They were there when the doctor's said that he would be a great donor for a child who needed a liver in Connecticut. They were there when she agreed with their decision. They were their when, a week and a half after the accident, they pulled the plug. They were there when he finally flat lined and passed away.

Blair and Chuck stared at the coffin that was set ever so gracefully atop the hole it would soon be buried in. They couldn't even decipher the words the priest was saying as they drowned themselves in their own thoughts. Chuck had wrapped his arms around her waist, placing his hands on her stomach for the entire world to see. He didn't care if they saw. He just needed to be close to the one's he loved most. Blair wiped her tears away on the tips of her black wool gloves. Chuck attempted to dry his own with the corners of his scarf, but his effort failed. They held each other closely, never wanting to let go. Both imagined what it would be like to lose the other, but their thoughts were immediately shut off by the string of hurt it struck within them.

They gripped each other closely as the priest moved away for everyone to say their final goodbyes. One by one, the attendees moved forward and paid their respects to the honorable man in front of them. Mothers and fathers, friends and lovers alike moved forward, tears spilling everywhere, and said goodbye to him, knowing things would never be the same. When it came Blair's turn, she asked Chuck to go with her. With the hormones from her pregnancy and her all around feelings from the situation, she knew she could not handle it. They walked slowly up to the dark wood casket and saw the man lying before them, serene and at peace. She brushed a stray strand of hair from his forehead and whispered "We love you" before kissing his cold forehead and moving aside. Chuck said "Goodbye" as he stared at the lifeless face beneath him. The only thing Chuck Bass was scared of was death and this was the harsh realization that it could happen to anyone. He kissed his forehead like Blair had previously done and stepped away, glancing back at the casket. The couple stayed for only a few more moments. Long enough for them to watch him be slowly lowered into the ground. They both sobbed as they realized that that was the last time they would ever lay eyes on him again. That was the day the non-judging Breakfast Club was downsized to the Three Musketeers.

They buried Nathanial Archibald in the ground on March 1st, 2009 at St. James Cemetery, and no one would be the same after it.


	27. Pain

A/N:Thanks for all the support guys. This will be the last chapter for a few days, as musical rehearsals and school continues tomorrow. Please, please, please review!!! I need your feedback and support through all of this. I won't continue without them! Thank you!!!

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"Ugh, babe, I'm going out. I need to buy some clothes that are going to fit around my fat ass." Blair whined, running down the stairs of their fifth avenue apartment. Chuck sat in a leather armchair in front of the giant windows that looked out over the park. He had been sitting in that same chair everyday for the past three weeks, since the funeral. For the first few nights, he would come to bed and he and Blair would just hold each other until they drifted off to sleep, both never speaking their obvious pain. Blair would hold his hand and stroke his hair while he rubbed her ever growing stomach. When she had tried to talk to him about it, however, was when he took himself out of the bed and began to just sleep in the chair. He stared down at the happy people running through Central Park or the cabs hurrying the businessmen to work day in and day out, only moving to use the restroom or to pour himself a new glass of scotch. He didn't like to be bothered, and she knew better than to bother him. There was nothing she could do; He would come to her when he was ready. She put on her coat and stared at the back of his head, waiting for any kind of response.

"You aren't fat." He whispered blankly, just barely loud enough for her to hear him. She slapped on some sunglasses and sighed.

"You wouldn't know, you haven't looked at me in two weeks," she said sadly, opening the front door. He turned around in an effort to prove her wrong, but was only fast enough to watch the large mahogany door close behind her. He sighed and got up from his chair, moving to the bar for another glass of, well, anything to keep him drunk and away from reality.

He had lost his father three months ago, which ate away at him every day, and now he had lost his best friend. He slouched back into his chair, tipsily spilling a bit of his whiskey over the edge of the glass. He drowned in his thoughts a bit more with every passing minute and every new swig of his drink. He had lost Nate. Nate was the one person he could run to with anything. Nate was the first person he told when he lost his virginity to Georgina Sparks in the sixth grade. He was the first person he told when he had been drunk for the first time a year later. They had shared their first joint together. He was the one he ran to when he thought one of his random three ways had abandoned him with a bad case of syphilis. Nate was the first one to know that he was in love with his ex-girlfriend Blair Waldorf.

He hadn't even been able to tell Nate that he planned to spend the rest of his life with his ex-girl and had proposed to her, well to his face anyway. He had told him in the hospital, two days before they pulled the plug, while Blair had gone home to change.

_Chuck stared at Nate's seemingly lifeless body, the heart rate monitor beeping every second or two in the background. He turned and saw Blair scoot to the elevator through the window and then quickly turned back to face his friend. He looked so peaceful except for the tube down his throat. That can't be comfortable, he sighed under his breath. He missed his friend. All he could think was how at this moment they should be sitting at a bar, sharing a joint and drinking scotch, talking about how he was going to soon have a Mrs. Bass and a baby Bass. He needed to tell him._

"_Hey man," He whispered. It surprised him that he was trying to speak to his friend, as he had been afraid to before now. It was time, he thought, he's my friend and I need him._

"_So guess what?" he paused, half expecting a reply, "I asked Blair to marry me." He let out a soft chuckle, not knowing whether it was for the thought that he was going to marry Blair Waldorf, the Queen B, or the fact that he was sitting here, talking to a friend who wasn't even conscious._

"_She was weary at first, but she agreed, man. We are going to get hitched. How white trash are we?" he laughed."Here we are both barely ready to turn eighteen and we are having a baby and getting married." His face turned more stern at this moment. Nate was not waking up. Not laughing with him, not telling him what an idiot he was or congratulating him. In fact, he wasn't really sure how Nate would have felt,he hadn't talked to him since Gossip Girl caught wind of Blair's unexpected bun in the oven. _

_Chuck felt tears crawl out of his eyes as he took Nate's hand in his own. This was a move Chuck Bass would not have otherwise used, but hoped that it would in some way work."Come on man, I need you to wake up. Who else is going to plan me a bachelor party or be my best man? Who else would I trust to be a god-father to my child and take the role of teaching him how to do all the illegal things I can't teach him because the Waldorf would kill me?" He laughed again, just as Vanessa walked through the door. She stared at him and he stared back before dropping Nate's hand and walking out into the waiting room without a word. That was the last conversation they would have alone._

He wouldn't be there to plan him a righteous bachelor party. He wouldn't be there to be his best man. He wouldn't be there to hold his would be god-child or later teach him all sorts of horribly wonderful and sinful things. All of these thoughts were finally hitting Chuck right where it hurt. It had just stricken him that his friend wasn't going to be around to witness all of the big moments he had yet to experience, nonetheless have these experiences himself. Chuck became frustrated with these thoughts.

Chuck stood up and glanced at himself in the mirror over the bar, his hair messed up, his belt open, his shirt unbuttoned, and his face tired and pale. _If I look like this I can only imagine Blair_ he thought. He knew that he was starting to hurt her with all of this, but he could not bring himself to care until now. She was right; he hadn't looked at her in over two weeks. Hadn't kissed her, hadn't held her, hadn't loved her. He had treated her like an outcast, the same way he had when his father had died. This was worse though. Last time, he had run away so she didn't have to see him when she was hurting. This time he was always there as a reminder of how he was breaking her heart. He stared himself down in the mirror all of the thoughts rushing through his head and then threw his fist into the giant mirror with all of the anger and hatred that he had built up inside of him.

The glass shattered and blood hit the ground as it dripped from his knuckles. He sat down beneath the broken mirror on the wall and cried. Nate didn't deserve what had happened to him. He had always been the good guy, free of any personal flaws. He had always been the good boy. Chuck had been flawed. With his drinking and the drugs and the way he hurt people. He deserved that, not Nate. Nate should have been there, not him. Blair didn't deserve what he was doing to her either. He ignored her day in and day out and might as well have run away again. She was too good for him. She needed much better, she deserved someone like Nathaniel. Their child deserved someone better, more like Nathaniel. He promised her that he would not hurt her again and he had broken it. He promised her the world and was giving her dirt. She would've been better off with Nate.

Chuck got up off the floor with blood running to the floor as he walked to the bathroom off the master bedroom. He carried his half empty glass of scotch with him as he locked the door to the bathroom. Digging through the medicine cabinet, his mind was racing with the thoughts of how it should have been him, not Nate. He should have been with his father right now and Blair was supposed to be in the arms of the Golden Boy, being comforted but better off. This would be the right decision for everyone. There was no future for he and Blair, not a good one at least. He would end up hurting her in the end, so he might as well get it over with. He never wanted to see her hurt, and this way he wouldn't have to.

With that, Chuck pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills and poured them all into his hand. He took a long deep breath finalizing his decision. "I'm coming my friend, " he whispered, before one by one, sliding them into his mouth and washing all twelve down with an individual swig of his drink. After a few moments, he climbed into the bathtub and waited for it to come. Slowly but surely, the room became blurry and everything went black and the sounds of sirens would be heard shortly after.


	28. Need

A/N: Gah. I needed to write tonight because I'm so stressed about everything else. I hope this lives up to the potential it has. Review PLEASE! Thank you.

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_He lied in the middle of the bathroom floor, the room spinning around him. He had done drugs before, obviously, but they had never had this effect. He had never wanted them to have this effect. Now he wanted to die. He wanted to leave this world behind, hopefully leaving the people he loved to a better future. He was leaving his love to a better future; hopefully she would find a man who could give her everything she deserved out of life. Leaving his child to a better future, to gain a father who could teach him or her the things he never could. He was leaving them both, so they could find someone to love them the way he never could._

_The haze was the only thing making him realize what he had done. His head was spinning and his vision was growing ever dimmer and he couldn't stop thinking about her. He loved her with all of his existence and their child as well. He never wanted to hurt them But wasn't that what he was doing now? He hadn't thought about it before. Only the good things had crossed his mind, not the part where her world completely shatters and he leaves her, abandoned, with a child, a constant reminder of the love that she lost all that time ago. He would hurt her more by doing this, than he ever could. Before he could even understand all of the ways this would torture the thing he loved most in the world, the lights disappeared, and the world faded to black._

Blair Waldorf was sitting in a cab, surrounded by bags from the latest maternity boutiques. She was on her cell phone with Serena gabbing about how she couldn't wear anything she owned and Chuck's super depression. The cab moved slowly through the traffic, barely moving once it turned onto the street of her luxury apartment. Being a pregnant teenager, Blair's patience was barely there anymore and she felt her bladder ready to burst. Ah, pregnancy.

"Excuse me," she snapped, covering the mouthpiece to her phone with her freehand, "What seems to be the hold up?"

"I'm sorry miss, there seems to be an accident ahead," the driver slurred through a thick Irish accent. Blair peered through the front windshield and noticed the cars struggling to move around an ambulance and two police cars, all parked messily in front of the grey building she called home.

"Serena, I'll call you back," she flipped her phone shut and began digging through her purse for cash, "Here is fine," she said. Before the Irishman even realized what was going on, she had grabbed her things and gotten out of the cab, throwing a giant stack of bills at him that was far over the proper fare. She didn't care though. She was getting that horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that something was wrong. Press had lined themselves up along the sidewalk in hopes of someone important having a tragedy. She marched as fast as her Manolos would carry her to the front door of the building. Nothing yet. She shook her head and convinced herself that maybe the old man that lived on the floor below them had had another heart attack. That had to be it. She readjusted her many bags and walked into the lobby and discovered a horrific scene. The press had made their way inside, snapping pictures of a man being wheeled away on a stretcher, four or five paramedics were following him giving CPR and holing an IV over his head as the maniacally wheeled him outside. Before they could reach the doors though, she dropped her bags and ran to the man, never seeing his face, but knowing who it was.

"What happened?" she shrieked as they hurriedly put him into the back of the ambulance.. She pushed her way on behind him, and shot the EMTs a look that screamed "I am his love, do NOT make me move."

"Ma'am, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but it is quite obviously an attempted suicide," a male EMT yelled as the ambulance pulled away from the busy street of New York City. Blair's jaw dropped. Why would Chuck do this to her? To them? Were things really that bad? She had understood that he had lost his father and his best friend, but she had never thought that he would ever want to try and off himself. A single tear made its way down her cheek.

"You selfish bastard," she whispered as she took hold of his hand. "You stupid selfish bastard." She squeezed his hand and laid her head on his chest as the paramedics worked around her. He couldn't leave her. Not now. Her dreams were coming true. They were going to be married and they were going to have a baby. This was her life, _their _life. She thought it had meant as much to him as it had to her.

She cried harder and harder now, the tears streaming down her face. They had arrived at the hospital and were pulling Chuck out of the back of the ambulance. She pulled herself out behind them and ran after the speeding EMTs. She caught up and snatched his limp hand. They were running faster than her tiny legs could carry her pregnant body, so she reached down and whispered to him "Don't you dare die on me Chuck Bass. Don't you leave us. We need you."

They sped away from her, leaving her alone, hands atop her belly, in the middle of an empty hallway. The thoughts raced through her head of all of the possibilities that could happen. But she know if he was really her Chuck, he wouldn't dare leave her. Especially after she had said she needed him. It wasn't often that Blair Waldorf admitted that she needed help, and she knew deep down that Chuck had heard her say it.


	29. Control

A/N: Last Chapter for a while, hope it's good. Sorry it's so short, I just didn't want to overload it, you know? Read and Review please!

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Chuck lied it the bed of the hospital, heart monitored, breathing assisted, and unconscious. It had been twenty-four hours since he was brought in and his stomach was pumped. Blair sat obediently by his side, waiting for him to wake. She clung to his hand and let the other rest on her belly. She could do nothing but stare at the man who tried to leave her. The one who tried to kill himself.

"Blair?" She turned and saw Serena in the doorway, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a bottle of milk in the other. Serena noticed all he distress that Blair was in.

"Here, drink this," she said, handing Blair the milk, "You know Blair, all this stress can't be good for the baby."

"I know. Serena, what if he doesn't wake up?" Blair whimpered.

"Blair, he will wake up," Blair shook her head.

"But what if he doesn't" Serena walked over to her friend and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, both looking at the man in the hospital bed.

"Blair, if he loves you, which he does, he will wake up. You have to know that he wouldn't leave you Blair. He can't leave you and your child like this." Blair placed her forehead onto Chuck's bare arm and sobbed uncontrollably, Serena rubbing her back. The two started to think about what if he actually didn't wake up. Her child could possibly lose its father tonight. She could possibly lose her fiancée tonight. They could all lose another friend tonight.

They remained like this for what seemed like hours before a nurse came in to check on Chuck's stats. The nurse noticed the two and made her check quickly before swiftly leaving the two girls at peace. Blair looked up at Chuck and saw how pale his face was. He looked like death. His eyes were lined with a purple that she had never seen on him before. He was always so clean and polished. She never thought that she would ever have to see Chuck look so….unhealthy.

"Serena, can you please leave us for a moment?" Serena nodded and left the room behind the nurse. Blair gazed at her fiancée, worried sick about him and their child. With every passing moment, she became more and more convinced that it was just going to be her and their baby. She would have to explain to their child one day why he didn't have a father and what exactly had happened. She would have to tell it how their father decided it would be a good idea to down an entire bottle of sleeping pills and finish it off with a bottle of scotch just so he wouldn't have to deal with the world anymore.

"You stupid selfish son of a bitch," she whispered. She pushed the hair out of his face and kissed his cheek. She wrapped both her hands around his and squeezed tighter than she thought she could, hoping somehow he would know that she was still here. Tears drizzled down her cheeks. The man she loved was lying unconscious in front of her. One of her worst fears was coming true.

"Oh, Chuck," she whispered, laying her head back onto his arm," Don't' you leave me. Don't you dare leave me. We need you. Who is going to take care of us? Who is going to love us the way we deserved to be loved? Who is going to help with reports or diapers or money or stupid sports stuff that only a father can do? Who is going to teach our child how to drink without being drunk or smoke a joint without smelling like it when they come home? Who is going to teach them all the horribly illegal things that I am going to loathe? Who is going to make this child a little bit like Chuck Bass?" Blair sobbed uncontrollably, her tears wetting his sheets. She was crying so hard she could hardly breathe. Never in her life had she cried this hard.

"What about me, Chuck?" she cried, "What about me? Who is going to take care of me and love me? Who is going to make love to me each night? Who is going to hold my hand and kiss me and hug me and make sure I don't fall on the ice when it snows or step in a puddle in the rain? Who's going to tell me I look beautiful when I'm too fat to even roll out of bed? Who is going to tie my shoes or shave my legs and help me out of chairs? Who is going to love me no matter how disgusting I feel or look? Who is just going to love me? Chuck, you cannot leave me! We need you! Your son and I need you!"

Blair sobbed uncontrollably, heaving. She placed her face onto the bed and cried. She cried for her son, she cried for her fiancée, and she cried for herself until she heard the one thing she'd been waiting for.

"I'm getting a son?"


	30. Joy

A/N: Sorry it's been so looooong guys. It won't be until the weekend, maybe later, until I update again. Super busy and tomorrow I get to go see Chicago! Thanks all my avid readers. Keep reviewing, I need you guys.

"Chuck?"

Blair could not believe it. He was awake. Her Chuck would not be leaving her during this round on the life merry-go-round. Tears filled her eyes and she lunged on top of him in the petite hospital bed. Even when she heard him groan under her weight, she did not let go; She straddled him and wrapped her arms around him so tight that he could barely breathe, staining the hospital gown with her never-ending supply of tears. Blair pulled back as Chuck began to gasp for air.

"What—happened?" He choked, breathing the fresh air into his lungs. At this question, Blair grew visibly tense. Her shoulders stiffened and all her weight shifted to her legs that were still on either side of his chest. All the anger she had at his sought after departure built up inside of her and then boiled over.

"What do you mean what happened? You tried to fucking kill yourself you stupid selfish asshole! You decided it would be okay to leave your son and I and take a full bottle of sleeping pills! Did I mention you downed the pills with scotch?" she fumed. Chuck was weak, yes, but he couldn't help but to muster up a laugh at her tiny little fists pounding against his numb chest. Then his smile and laugh faded as he realized what he had done. Her fists stopped flying and her hands covered her face. It was unbearable for him, even in his still medicated state, to watch her break down.

"Blair, I—"

"Never meant to hurt me? Huh, Chuck? Never meant to hurt _us?_ You tried to kill yourself. You wanted to leave us." She bawled.

"I never wanted to leave you; I wanted to make sure you wound up with a better future than what you have now. Look at me. I'm an arrogant, selfish, alcoholic, narcissist and you are a beautiful, compassionate, motherly, angel and you deserve better. You and our child. You deserve someone like Nathaniel—"

"Chuck. Shut up. Is that what this is all about? If I thought that there was something out there better than you, I would go find it. Nate was a good man, Chuck. He was kind and loving but he was not you. He didn't make me feel beautiful but sexy, naïve and well rounded, like I am everything to one person. He never made me feel loved like you can. I am having your child for god's sakes Chuck! We are Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair! We are inevitable Bass, you can't leave me. Remember, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through it. And that is exactly what I am going to do." He shed a few tears as she repeated the words she'd spoken to him all those months ago. She'd meant it. This was the lowest thing he could've ever done to this woman, but she was still here. _Because she loved him._

"Blair, I'm so sorry." Chuck pulled Blair into his chest as he broke down, his face burying itself into her shoulder. She squeezed him tight and stroked his hair as she had that night on the roof, whispering "It's okay," every so often.

"I love you Chuck Bass, and there is nothing you can ever do to change that." She whispered. He pulled her closer and kissed her cheek.

"And, Blair Waldorf, I will love you until the end of time." They kissed for what seemed like eternity before a sudden movement between the two scared them both.

"What the hell was that?" Chuck asked, startled at the movement.

"I think it was the baby," Blair whispered, both her eyes and her hand on her stomach. She grabbed Chuck's hand just as the little movement could be felt for a second time in her lower abdomen.

"What the hell—" Shuck pulled his hand away at the unfamiliar feeling. Blair laughed as the motioned continued,

"It's kicking Chuck," she giggled through the last of her tears,"Your son is kicking." Chuck's face lit up and he placed his hand back on her bump. His son kicked at his hand, as if he knew it was there. He let out a small laugh and placed his other hand to the side of his first, feeling the motions on his palms. This is what he had stayed for. He was meant to stay so he could protect his child and his soon to be wife. For the first time in a long time, Chuck Bass was happy. He could feel it radiating from the roots of his hair to his kneecaps, and it felt good. If there was one feeling he would want to feel the rest of his life, it would be this feeling. The feeling of an overwhelming love and joy surrounding him at every moment. This is what he was meant to be. He was meant to be here with his family. Chuck knew he was meant to be a father. A father and a husband for the two he loved most.


	31. Hunger

OMG its been sooooo long! Things have just been crazy hectic but I am back! This fic has not been abandoned! Here you go with a new fresh chapter.

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"_Chuuuuuck. Chuck, baby, I need a favor."_

Chuck's eyes opened to the all too familiar late-night whining from his new fiancée. Nearly three months had passed and Miss Blair Waldorf was now six months pregnant. Lately it had been hot and cold flashes, crazy hormonal mood swings, and daytime naps to make up for the sleep they both lacked from her late night cravings for whatever random food she just _had to have._

"What do you need love?" he questioned sleepily, gently opening his eyes to the darkness. He rolled on his side and could see her big chestnut eyes gleaming up at him through the dark. Her pregnant belly protruded out between the two. Chuck couldn't help but smile as he glanced at it. For the past three months he had done everything he possibly could to make sure Blair knew that he was here for her and their unborn son. After the first few hot and cold flashes, he had central air and heating installed in their apartment for Blair to be as comfortable as possible. Anytime she had crazy mood swings, he held her when she cried and ducked when she threw thing in an angry tantrum and loved her all the same. He was at every appointment, every shopping trip, and generally spent every moment he could with his fiancée and son to show her he was still there for her and would never dream of leaving her again. Tonight, he was about to embark on another adventure down the block to the drugstore and hope they carried the item she wanted so he wouldn't have to walk ten extra blocks.

"I have this weird craving for strawberry ice cream. I haven't been able to sleep because your son is demanding it," she half giggled as she whispered the words to her obviously tired fiancée. He stirred a little before pulling himself up to a sitting position.

"What baby and mommy want, they get," He smiled at Blair before kissing her forehead and her bare stomach, thanking god that they had strawberry ice cream at the drugstore down the street. He'd learned this when he'd gone down there for pistachio ice cream a few nights earlier and they had none, forcing him to walk the extra blocks. It wasn't even being forced; this is what he wanted to do. He wanted to do everything he could to make sure they were happy mommy and baby. He rolled out of bed, threw on the pair of slacks and shirt he had laid out in preparation for this, slipped on his shoes and left.

Blair watched him as he left to do another late night favor for her. She hated that he did this for her but it was all too sweet. He had been good to her over the past few months. After everything that happened, she was sure she had lost him forever and that he would leave one way or another. But he proved her wrong. He had been with her through it all, even calling off important business meetings to stay home with her when she was so nauseated she couldn't get off the bathroom floor. HE was turning into the best future father and husband a girl could ask for.

Blair began to get lost in her thoughts when a dull pain ran through her lower back and around her abdomen. She took a sharp intake of breath and it subsided after a few seconds. She shrugged it off as she was used to cramping and random pains at this point. Suddenly, she heard Chuck fumbling through their bedroom door, carrying a brown paper bag in one hand, and a spoon in the other. Blair grinned at him as he pulled a gallon of strawberry ice cream out of the bag and handed it over to her with the spoon.

"You're amazing," she said lovingly. She lifted the top off the ice cream and took a bite, groaning to display her approval. He smiled as she enjoyed a good quarter of the tub and then carried it to the freezer and piled it among the four other containers of half-eaten ice cream when she was done. When he walked back to the bedroom, he found her lying half-asleep in the middle of the bed. He stripped his clothes and climbed in next to her. Blair snuggled up onto his chest and wrapped her arm around him and whispered "I love you," before the two fell back asleep.

A while later, Chuck stirred at the sound of a light groan. He grumbled knowing he'd be sent out to get another late night snack. How long had it been? He lifted his phone and looked at the clock. 4:03. Only fifteen minutes had passed since he had drifted peacefully of to sleep. Blair began to stir in the bed next to him.

"Chuck," she whispered lightly, stirring uncomfortably. Chuck could swear he could hear her groan again.

"What flavor do we need Blair?" he laughed quietly. She sat up suddenly next to him and let out a wince and a sharp breath.

"Chuck!" Her heard the panic in her voice and he was suddenly awake.

"What is it baby? What's wrong?" He said. He sat up and placed one hand on her swollen belly. Her face turned to a grimace and she let out a cry. His eyes widened as he realized she was in pain.

"Blair! What is wrong?" She turned to him with tears in the corner of her eyes. He knew that something was really wrong.

"I think I'm having contractions, Chuck"


End file.
